Exed out

Breakfast Break

I woke up 8:30 am feeling like shit, that was no surprise, but I was surprised to see that Jonas had woken up before me. Maybe I woke him up in my sleep and he realized he wasn't in his own bed so he left mine. That had to be it because Jonas was never a morning person, and it was rare to catch him out of bed before noon unless he was forced to. But I was proven wrong when after I threw up, showered, and went downstairs to find Jonas on the couch, a bowl of cereal in his lap, watching cartoons. At least that was same.

"Jonas?" I asked, and he looked at me expectantly. "Is everything okay? You're awake in the morning. Like, the clock says A.M."

"Ha ha," he said sarcastically. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm basically a whole new man. And one of my self-care goals is to be awake before the sunrise every morning."

"Every morning?" I asked incredulously.

He nodded in complete seriousness. "Even weekends."

"Wow, dude. Serious props to you for that," I praised him.

"It's that praise that keeps me going honestly," he admitted. "That's all I ever wanted. Anyway," he said before I could ask what he meant, "I think you should go to Luna's for breakfast."

"Why? I'm sure dad has some eggs or something."

"Because now it's your turn for some self-care," he beamed from the couch.

"I don't need self-care," I scoffed.

"Everyone needs self-care, Beth. And when I first started therapy my therapist suggested I treat myself to a meal out at least once a week. Pricy, but boy it made a difference in my self-esteem."

"My self-esteem is fine, Jonas. Besides, I don't want to go out to eat by myself."

"So take a book and read while you eat. That's like double self-care points. C'mon, Beth, just treat yourself to a calm and relaxing morning before everything falls apart at approximately 1 pm."

"I don't know," I said rolling my eyes. Why was he trying so hard to convince me that I needed self-care right now. I was perfectly fine, wasn't I?

"Yes, you do," Jonas said lightly. "Now, shut up and go because Dad has no eggs and I took the last of the cereal."

•

I chose to walk to Lindee's, the local diner that was a ten minute walk from the house, and as I passed all of the familiar houses that I use to race past on my bike, chasing after the other neighborhood kids, I couldn't help when my face scrunched up. I was deep in thought, but it was the type of thinking that had no point. I was just remembering all these things from my childhood and feeling all these things, but nothing significant came out of it. So I stopped thinking about Indiana and started to think about California. I missed it a lot.

I didn't want to think about California either. How do I shut off my brain?

Lindee's was busy when I got there, just like it always was. I chose a seat towards the back by a window and pulled my book out of my bag. I opened to where I had stopped reading when I was getting off the plane, but I couldn't focus on the words. Instead I found myself looking around. I wondered why Lindee's was always so busy. Even when I was younger, there was nothing appealing about the restaurant. It used to be a gas station like forty years ago, but then someone bought it and turned it into a burger place. If the floors were ever replaced, you couldn't tell. They were an old nasty yellow color as if they were once white but had yellowed over time. I don't think I have ever known the color of the walls; the owners had "decorated" every inch of the walls with antique signs and license plates. The food here was greasy and cheap. But even with all these factors that would have made this place gone out of business if it were where I lived, the place was thriving. This was the place to be in this town.