Random Thoughts

Todays Thoughts

They didn't come today... I was free and I felt good and didnt get urges. Yes there was moments of stress but I just walked away from the situation and calmed myself down. I was happy almost I think. I can't exactly remember what happiness is and what it feels like but I felt good today. I was smiling more than I usually did and it made me feel good. Like I was on that road of self discovery... finding that real me... I want to continue on this road but I feel like it was only the magic of the park that lead me to that road... But I've left the park and I'm afraid I'll lose the magic when I go back home. Home to Australia... I'm afraid to go home and face my demons and face the damage I've caused... I'm afraid to see her... She hurt me and I broke and snapped.. like a lifess twig. She keeps brushing off my problems like a feather in the wind.. but that doesn't hurt the most. What hurts the most is that I was there for her through everything and I put my life on hold for her and in a moment when I needed her most she wasn't there for me... It scared me badly and I freaked out and I realised that I've pushed so many people away over the years that I don't even know who my friends are... Courtney... I love that girl... She's become my other half... she's been there for me in my darkest moment.. Nic.. beautiful Nic... I can't ask for a better best friend... and then those friends like Biz, Abbey, Charlee, Alan and Georgia and Kiara... I know that I may lose some of them but I know the true ones that see through my facade of a fake mask will stay by my side no matter how much I try to push them away