Random Thoughts

Dear Friend

Hey Friend, I'm going to be straight out here, but I think we need a break. I feel like I've been not really seeing the person i love... you've been different at school and I've tried to be supportive when you were getting used to the olivia and kate thing... i chose your side over Annas when she was being a bitch to you and that was hard but i did it because i cared for you and trusted you more.... i don't like how you get so jealous of my mates like courtney and hallam because it means you don't trust me. You dont trust me that i will always put you first. That you will always be my best friend first and then them. I used to be able to tell you everything but lately i couldn't because I've felt like you would judge me. Like that whole thing about I'm the one that would have sex first because i flirt with a bunch of guys that hurt... it hurt a lot that you and anna think I'm some sort of a slut.. you may not say it but i see it in yiur eyes. I saw it when i went out with devin.
But why i need a break is because you hurt me when I was already hurting. I came to you upset about my argumemt with courtney and hallam and you threw it back in my face... you started accusing me of stuff and made me feel worse and like the shittiest friend you could ever want..... i was already thinking about harming myself and im going to be straight up honest... your words hurt me that much that i went and did it... i went and cut myself because the people i loved and trusted with my life weren't there for me and it hurt me because it didn't seem like you trusted me at all saying how i always put u second.  Then when i came to you panicked about what i had done.. your words were ice cold... theres a different between calm advice and tired and cold advice... i felt like you brushed it off... and then ever since then when I've needed someone to talk to you just keep brushing it off... it hurts because we made a pact... i agreed to be your best friend when you asked and you haven't been doing that... all i asked of you was to be there when i needed it most    ... ive  been a punching bag for you.. so why couldn't you do the same for me? 

I just need some time alone and all this stress is making it worse, I hope you can understand.... and maybe when I've got my shit together and feel like we can try again maybe then we can talk about the next step