Little Space (BoyXBoy) (DD/lb)

Chapter Nine: Panic! in the Living room

The next few weeks proceed as usual (as usual as they can with nightmares plaguing poor Harley's sleep and this constant ache in his heart). With Roman's help, he put the house that him and Kyle shared (he is going on trial for an attempt at murder and will probably be in prison for a while) on a couple of websites and hope that he can sell it soon. It's not fair for Roman to have to pay the mortgage every month until it sells. 

One afternoon, Roman comes home and plops a thin paper book in Harley's lap.

"What's this for?" He questions. His question would probably would have been answered if he had read the title.

"I figured that maybe you could study for a bit and whenever you feel ready, I can take you to the DMV to get your permit." Roman sits next to Harley "I get the feeling that Kyle pretty much did everything for you when you were together." He nods. Roman is right. Harley was basically constantly in little space and Kyle did all the grown up things for him. "Well, I'm not saying being little is wrong, I just think that you should learn how to do the basic things for living. Like selling a house, getting your license, getting a job and getting insurance. I know it might be scary at first but if you need help, or have any questions I'll always be here."

Harley nods in understanding. "So what should we do first?" This all seems so stressful and scary to the small boy.

"Well it's really up to you but my advice is to apply for medicaid first so that you can get covered in case anything happens." Roman explains. He just nods his head and Roman fetches his laptop. He guides Harley to the Florida Medicaid website and he clicks start application.

NAME: Harley Winters

DATE: 6/10/2015

DOB: 10/20/1995

After all the preliminary stuff Harley gets to all the financial stuff. Roman helps a lot. It's confusing and boring. Not to mention the fact that Harley didn't even have the motivation to do anything to begin with.

After what seems like an eternity, Harley hits the submit button and now they just have to wait until someone gets back to him. Harley's brain hurts. That was difficult. It's hard to be an adult.

"Romaaaaaan do I have to do anything else?" The child like teen whines.

"No, love. You did good and got something accomplished today and I'm proud of you." He smiles and ruffles Harley's hair. His heart starts to beat uncontrollably, and he jerks away. His chest gets tight and his breathing becomes restricted. Fear quickly makes its way through Harley's entire body, paralyzing him. Everything weighs down on him and the when the memories crash around him like a disastrous tsunami. Fingers laced in his hair, holding him down; things in other places, hurting him.

"Harley? Harley! Come on Harley snap out of it!" Roman slowly pulls Harley out of his own memories; shaking his shoulders and shouting. However, the fear is still coursing through the boy's body.

"I just... Need to be alone for awhile..." Harley manages to choke out. Shakily, he stands up and makes his way to his room, locking the door behind him. Harley climbs into bed and wraps my arms around himself, willing this unrelenting fear away.

It's going to happen again. I know it. No one can keep me safe. No one can help me, not even Roman.

These words and thoughts all crash together inside Harley's head, making a rather loud racket for him. His heart palpitations make it near impossible for him to breathe.

Kyle is going to come back... Or Paul will find me and hurt me again. There's nothing I can do. It's going to happen all over... Someone please help me... I'm so afraid...

Harley can feel their hands on him again. Touching him all over. He curls up, trying to make it all stop. Maybe if he clears his mind he'll be able to get this all under control.

Harley tries to take a few deep breaths, he really does. But the thoughts won't go away and they're making his stomach turn itself into unpleasant knots.

Soon, another feeling makes it to the forefront of his mind. Harley feels dirty. So dirty and unclean and guilty. He has to get clean. He has to rid his body of what those monsters did to him.

Harley rushes himself to the bathroom and turns on the water, stepping in (without bothering to take his clothes off) before he gets sick.

He's barely paying attention, just trying to get the filth off of him so he scrubs his clothed body. He washes each strand of his bleach blond hair (a fleeting thought of dying it a less noticeable color crosses his mind). 

Harley loses track of how long he spends under the water. He didn't even notice when it went cold. He almost screams when there's a knock on the door.

"Y..yes?" He tries to catch his breath. The door opens. Harley prays it isn't an intruder come to hurt him or anything evil like that. It's just Roman. Harley relaxes, but only slightly.

"You've been in here for over two hours. Is something wrong?" And of course Roman sounds concerned. He's been fretting over the since he moved in, which Harley has found quite annoying at sometimes honestly. He doesn't want help. He doesn't want to seem weak.

"I'm f...f...fine."  Roman must hear the tremble in the younger boy's voice, the slight clack of his teeth because he reaches in to feel the water and shuts it of.

"Christ Harley you're going to catch pneumonia or hypothermia or whatever! What's wrong?" He tries to wrap a towel around Harley, but he shifts away and wraps one towel around his waist and one around his shoulders. He's thinks he's not helpless or weak. That he can do things by himself. You and I both know that's partially false. Harley isn't completely helpless, but he definitely needs some kind of assistance.

"Nothing I'm fine. It was just a shower." He says curtly, drying his hair.

"For two hours? That's not normal, Harley. Tell me what's bothering you!" Roman practically begs.

"Look I appreciate you trying to help, but I said I'm fine so just drop it." Harley tries to keep the venom out of his voice because Roman is his friend and all. Harley shoulders past him and head back to his room, shutting the door in Roman's face.

He can't exactly pinpoint what's wrong and why he's acting so cold towards Roman. He just doesn't want help. He doesn't want to need help. But whether he likes it or not (or realizes it) he does need help. And he needs more help than Roman can give him because no matter what Harley claims, he's not okay.