Finding Serena

The Journey Isn't Over Yet

  I wake up with Derek's arm still around me. I snuggle up next to him and put my head on his chest. I love him. I can't put into words how much he means to me. I'm like a child with a puppy. I just remember, the day I saw him kissing Angela, I was, infuriated! But that's all over. Forget the past.
His blues eyes are like crystals, but they're closed since he is still asleep. His dark hair falls partly into his left eye, but he always fixes it when he combs the front of his hair upwards, like a lot of guys do. His smile is like the sun. His tan skin, cool to the touch, but not cold.
I snuggle up against him as I watch the sunrise out the window. This is what I want.
I stand and walk over to the balcony. I put my hands on the railing and watch. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I look at the text, expecting it to be from April or James. It's from an odd number though.
Hi Serena!! It's Angela!! I was wondering if we could maybe, meet up. I seriously need to talk with you. Thanks girl!!!
  I question whether or not I should answer. Why shouldn't I?
Well I'm in New York right now but, maybe when I get home.
Hey!! You're in New York too!! What hotel I'll come over.
Uhm... The Plaza Hotel. Floor fourteen room 34A
Thanks girl!! Be over in 5!!
I look back out at the trees, or tree. A leaf falls down, slowly and cautiously. The signal that fall is coming. That's why I like having a birthday so early in fall. I'm so much younger than everyone in my class! I'm going to be separated from Derek though. What if..he finds "someone else." What if he forgets about us. I can't lose him. I can't. I hear a knock at the door.
  I walk towards the door and open it. I let Angela in and walk her to the balcony and shut the door, leaving a crack in it.
"Take a seat."
"Thanks. I didn't know Derek would be with you."
"Don't worry. He's asleep. He won't bother us."
"Good."
"So what do you want?"
"I wanted to let you in in a small bit of information."
"Which is?"
"Your boyfriend in there, he's dating Kelsey."
"I don't believe that."
"It's true, she told me herself."
I stand up.
"I don't trust her either!"
"Nice outfit."
I still wore the same clothes from yesterday except for my vest.
"Don't try to change the subject!"
"Anyways. If your not going to believe me then—"
"Shut up Angela! Just go back to your hotel."
"Don't talk to me like that."
She pushes me back and I lean on the railing when she comes behind me and lifts me over. I start to scream as I fall. I grab the ledge. I hear Angela storm off. I try and pull myself up. My arms aren't strong enough and I'm too exhausted from trying to get myself up to go back down.
It feels like it's been an hour but it's probably only been like two minutes. There's no balcony in the room below me, so just dangle.
I start to scream, hoping that Derek will wake up.
"Derek! Derek!"
I feel myself started getting to lose my grip. I scream even louder and hear someone's footsteps.
"Serena! Serena! Where are you?"
"Derek! Derek..."
One of my hands slips and I try to get it back up. I grab the pole of the railing with the hand that's still on the ledge.
"Serena!"
"I'm on the balcony! Help me!"
I start to cry when I realize that I can't hold on for much longer. The fear of death enters my mind.
Derek's face appears looking down at me.
"Serena! Oh my God!"
He pulls me up and cradles me in his arms.
"What happened?"
"I don't want to tell you."
"Why?"
"You'll think I'm nuts."
"Well, Angela texted me and I said she could come over while you were still asleep."
"What? Why did you let her come over?"
"If you put me down I'll tell you."
He placed me gently on my feet. I turned and put my hands on the railing. He put his hands on my waist hand I leaned my back into him.
"Tell me what's wrong."
"Well, you're in your sophomore year of college."
"So?"
"You're going to a different college than me and..."
"And what?"
"What if you...find someone else...that you love."
"What if I do?"
"You'd have to leave me."
"I would."
I pushed his hands off of me and turned to face him, tears streaking down my cheeks.
"Why do you act like you don't care?" I push him out of the way and storm towards the bathroom, grabbing clothes on the way.
  I lock the bathroom door and got changed.
"Serena! Get out of there! Serena!"
I put on a light washed denim jeans, and a light green and white striped t-shirt with green flip-flops. I put my hair and a high pony and shoved my phone in my back pocket. I stormed out of the bathroom with Derek on my tail.
"Serena!"
I turn around quickly and he wasn't expecting it.
"Leave me alone! I just need some space can't you understand?"
He wears about the same thing as yesterday except with a blue polo instead of a red one.
"Fine." He shoves his hands in his pockets. "Go ahead. Leave."
  I grab my wristlet off the tv stand and storm out of the room and in the elevator. I walk out of the hotel, furious and exhausted.
  I walk down the street and see a little café. I walk in and get a coffee. I sit at the coffee bar and drink it.
  "Why don't you look upset."
I look up to the the barista with her elbow on the counter looking at me.
"I am." I say as I sit up and look at her.
"A pretty girl like you shouldn't be sad. What's wrong darlin'?"
"I'm ticked off at my boyfriend because we're both going off to different colleges. I told him I was upset that he'd find someone he loved more than me. He seemed like he didn't even want  to talk to me so I stormed off."
"Ya know, my boyfriend from my senior year of high school is my husband today. We had that same fight but, we got over it. Just gotta wait some time. Alright?"
"Thanks. What's your name?"
"Juliette. And you're...?"
"Serena."
"Why, what a lovely name."
"Oh! I have to pay you for the coffee I almost forgot."
I reach in my purse for some money.
"Don't worry, dear. It's on me."
"Thank you, Juliette. I'll try to stop by tomorrow. I'm leaving in three days."
"Where to?"
"Massachusetts."
"Oh. I went to college there, but I'm from Texas."
"Nice. Well I have to run but I'll see you later."
"Goodbye darling."
I walk out and go down the street to a bench outside. I sit down and put my feet up in front of me. I sit for a solid hour and just think about my life.
Someone sits down next to me but I don't look up.
  An arm wraps around me. Derek.
I bury my head in his chest and put my legs up next to me.
"Why did you act like you didn't care, Derek?"
"I didn't care because I know that it won't happen."
"Really."
"Yeah. I love you too much to let you go."
"I love you too, Derek."
"I know you do."
I sit up and look at him.
"I have to, I have to tell you something."
"What?"
"The reason I was so mad at you was because Angela told me that...that you were cheating on me..."
"Who would I even cheat on you with?"
"Kelsey..."
"Kelsey! Are you kidding me?"
"No. I'm not. She's gorgeous. She's, smart. She's athletic. She's your type."
"You're all those things too. You're my type. Serena. I couldn't ask for anyone else, ever."
"I couldn't either, but I don't know if we should be together."
"Why?"
"Because I love you, which makes me too scared of losing you."
"Serena, I can't lose you like this."
"Maybe after college we can get back together."
"I can't be without you for three years."
"I can't either but I think it's for the best. We can still be friends though."
"So your saying it's over?"
I kiss him.
"No, I'm saying we need to take a break."
He kisses me.
"I don't know if I can."
I kiss him.
"If I can you can."
We kiss each other.
"I still love you, Derek."
"I love you too, Serena."
"Okay. I guess we just broke up."
"No, just a break."
"Ya. I'm gonna go to the mall. You don't have to come with me. Bye Derek."
I get up and walk away. Not looking back until I'm at the end of the street, and I see that he's gone.