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80. Words [Wesshire]

Wes tried to laugh at the jokes.  He really did.  But 'Wes ruins everything' and 'Fat Wes' had started to really hurt.  He'd become quieter, on and off camera.  He'd started eating less and exercising more, trying to lose weight he didn't really have.  He'd stopped wearing short sleeves, trying to hide his arms, and the scars that had begun to form.  He'd stopped a lot of things he did often.  He'd even stopped putting his hair up when he was editing.  Wes loved having his hair up, but hated being teased more than that. 

Maybe they meant well.  Maybe they didn't want to hurt him.  But they did.  And it hurt.  So goddamn much.

During the last Lunchtime with Smosh Games, he'd barely eaten, but when he had, the 'Fat Wes' thing had been thrown around.  He couldn't even describe how hard it was to laugh, and not burst into tears.  He was starving, but couldn't bring himself to eat, even when he was alone.  Joven was the only one who was really nice to him much.  Maybe it was only because he avoided everyone else.  When the weren't on camera, he locked himself in a conference room to work, and be alone. 

Soon enough, everything became hard.  He'd stopped doing everything he loved.  He stopped playing video games unless it was for a video, almost scared to ruin something.  He could barely smile.  When he wasn't at work, Wes was either working out, or trying to hide in his room.  He'd ruined his favorite sweatshirt with blood stains, and a few shirts before he'd figured out the best methods to stop bleeding faster.

Hiding in the dark made him feel like a coward.  And he knew he was.  But it felt like the only way to be okay.  Not that he ever was.
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Wes stared at the ceiling in silence, trying to fight off tears.  He knew Joshua was in the next room, trying to sleep, and he didn't want to wake him.  But he couldn't hold them back.  Not anymore.  Tears began to well up in his eyes, sobs slipping from his throat.  He buried his face in a pillow, his whole body shaking as he broke down.  He hugged the pillow tightly, keeping his face hidden.  No one was there, but he still felt embarrassed.

In the other room, Joshua heard soft whimpers followed by heavy cries.  He got out of bed and went across the hall.  Wes was sitting on his bed, clutching to a pillow desperately as he cried.  Joshua sat on the edge of Wes's bed. "Buddy..."

Wes looked up, panic filling him.  "I'm sorry!  Please don't tease me.  I'll stop!  I promise!"  Tears fell down his face more rapidly, and he covered his mouth with his hands, suppressing sobs.

Joshua's eyes widened.  "Wes... I'm not gonna make fun of you.  What gave you that idea?"

"I ruin everything... And I can't do anything right!  I'm just weak."

Joshua hugged Wes tightly.  "Wes, you're not weak, you don't ruin things.  I don't know where you got that idea."

Wes pushed Joshua away.  "I'm fat too..."

"Wes..."

Wes shook his head.  "Go away.  I'll see you in the morning."  He laid back down, trembling.

Joshua rested a hand on Wes's back.  "Talk to me, please."

Wes looked back at Joshua, expecting to see a cruel smirk, hatred in Joshua's eyes.  But he didn't.  He only saw a worried frown, and Joshua's eyes were looking over Wes worriedly.

Joshua laid down next to him.  "Talk to me, or at least try and sleep."

Wes moved closer, grabbing Joshua and holding him as he cried.  Wes desperately grabbed Joshua's shirt, feeling Joshua hold him. 

Wes buried his face in Joshua's chest, his body shaking.  "They're just words... I shouldn't let them hurt me so much....I'm so weak..."

"Is that why you've changed?"

Wes nodded, burying his face into Joshua's chest again, feeling safe in his arms.  Wes continued to cry, clutching to Joshua tightly.  Joshua rubbed Wes's back, holding him tight.  The tears soaked through Joshua's shirt, but he barely noticed, his main focus on Wes.

"You aren't weak... You're strong, amazing, and perfect."  Joven grabbed a hair tie off of Wes's dresser, sitting him up and carefully doing his hair so it was in a ponytail. 

Wes grabbed onto Joshua again, apologizing profusely.

Joshua laid Wes down, letting him curl into his chest, humming softly.  "You're gonna be okay.  I promise."