There's Always Trouble In Paradise

Distance

Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Kevin and I didn't break up, although it sure did felt as if we did at times. We did not make eye contact in school; not even a glimpse at each other's lunch table. He went back to sitting with his team and friends; as I went back to sitting with Ed and Eddy. The bullying from his team members towards me did decline a small amount, but they still say I went too far with the joke. It was not a joke though, it was real. Ed and Eddy never brought it back up, probably because they weren't sure what to think. Kevin and I did not show any type of affection any more in public. Once a week or every other week, we would spend the night together. Even then, there wasn't as much talking, laughing, and cuddling as there use to be. It felt more like we needed to get our sexual dosage of the week; then continued to act like we did not know each other.

Kevin focused on his sports, along with starting to party a lot more, and Nat informed me that Kevin got back into drugs. That's the only way I truly knew what was going on in Kevin's life, was through Nat. I on the other hand focused on school, that's all I could handle; the rest of the time I spent it in the library or bed. I did not know how to deal with what I was feeling from that one day. It was a mixture of hurt, betrayal, anger, love, and sadness. How does one deal with all these emotions at once? I haven't a clue, all I could do was rest. Other than that, things seemed as if they were back to the way things were. Way back, before Kevin and I even got together. Instead of moving forward as a couple, we fell backwards; far, far backwards.

As of now, I was under Kevin, his member inside me, my hips moving with his thrusts. His lips were chapped and his face was tired, I would not doubt that he was high on some type of narcotic as of now. Before clothes started coming off, we barely said five words to each other. What happened to my lover? What happened to our love? Something so pure and strong was now tainted by hurt and guilt. Even his moans seemed more filled with sadness than with pleasure. This was the only connection time we had, it was needed, but I was not sure if it was healing or breaking us.

My body hurt. Kevin didn't take as much time and patience as he usually does. The once gentle love was now aggressive in all different sort of ways. His room smelled of smoke, old beer, and the sweat that was now coming off our bodies. This felt dirty; as if I should be ashamed. The once magical connection seemed to have disappeared. But I refused to have lost my Kevin completely. 

His lips pressed into mine, deeply and slowly. The way he kissed me never changed. Just something so simple still spoke volumes of his feelings and love he still has for me. And that's what I was holding onto. Those kisses.

"We should get you home. It's a school night."

Kevin threw the condom away and started putting his clothes on. I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay in his bed for the night and be in his strong, safe arms. But I didn't fuss and started dressing myself obediently. Kevin's body now glisten and was glowing from the beads of sweat all over him. His body was still strong and proud, but his eyes were tired and sad. It was a strange mixture to see him in.

I put my beanie back on my head and threw on one of the hoodies that Kevin ended up lending to me when we first started dating. I have had it for awhile now, but I could still faintly get the scent of Kevin off of it. It always brought me comfort.

I followed Kevin down the stairs and out into the sharp chill of the wind. Everything was quiet, it was late at night and the world was asleep. Even though I lived right down the street from Kevin, he always insisted to walk me home, even now. Our walk was now as quiet as the night and out hands stayed in our pockets instead of embracing one another's. I use to dread seeing my door front inch closer and closer with each step. It meant I had to leave the man of my dreams. Now I dread it for the awkward goodbyes it now brought. But none the less, my face was now to the door, and I slowly turned on my heels to face Kevin. Those bright green eyes still captured my heart as they gazed into mine. My heart skipped a beat as always when I saw the small smirk dance across his face.

"I'm glad I got to see you tonight." Kevin's arms wrapped around me and held my body tightly to his. His warmth brought me comfort and his strong arms brought me safety. I felt like an addict needing more as he slowly dropped his arms from around me and started to walk towards his home.

A few steps towards the road and then he stopped, to look at me once more with those dazzling green eyes. "And Edd. I'm sorry about everything."

My heart fluttered and my cheeks blushed. It was finally time to get my Kevin back.