Boundaries

10. Candid

Minseok's hand still feels small in yours, but you thank the heavens that he finishes his meals now. He is finally in regular clothes, albeit ones that are too big and baggy for him: a faded vintage Justice League hoodie, worn-out jeans, and ratty blue Adidas. The two of you walk slowly, following behind the short, bouncy nurse skipping down the hall. She waits for no one, but you can feel the hesitation in Minseok's steps. His downcast eyes shift from tile to tile, the random periwinkle and sea foam pattern providing something to distract him.

"Here we are, Mr. Kim," the nurse says, gesturing to an open door. Minseok stops cold.

"Kalani, I...I can't do this."

You bend down, making his eyes meet yours. "Hey, hey. Look at me." His irises are full of panicked fear, doubt plaguing the shimmering deep brown circles. "Everybody here knows what you're going through. No one's judging you. This is to help you get healthy again. Don't worry." You give his hand a gentle squeeze and try to soothe him with a tender smile. "I'll be right here beside you."

He sighs unsteadily as he nods and grips your hand tighter, the skin around his nails blanching.

The two of you step into the room.

A circle of chairs is set up. Six thin bodies already occupy seats. A nervous shiver runs down Minseok's spine. You pull him closer to you, making sure your shoulders touch as you take your seats. Your hand doesn't leave his.

A bespectacled man sits at the "head" of the circle closest to the back of the room. After a few minutes of low, muttered conversations between a few individuals, he clears his throat and leans forward in his chair.

"Hello, all. I'd like to welcome you to our group and thank you for coming here today." He adjusts his glasses to sit further up his nose. "This is a safe place where we understand each other's struggles." You could almost chuckle wryly at the cliché lines of the conversation, but the air feels too heavy to inhale deep enough to power a laugh of any kind. "I notice we have a few new faces in the room this afternoon. When we share, I'd like everyone to state their name tell us as much of their story as they feel comfortable recounting. To put everybody a little more at ease, I'll start."

He clears his throat again and begins. You learn that the supervisor's name is Pae Yun. He had been diagnosed with an eating disorder ten years earlier. His drive to resist all food was a response to the pressure he felt from his family. He was dangerously underweight before his sister got him admitted to a hospital. His parents didn't care enough to notice. He wasn't on the best of terms with them.

The blonde woman to Pae Yun's left goes next. Apparently, she's been at her ideal weight for a full month now. The group takes a moment to applaud for her while she beams and declares that this is her last time in the circle. Then there's a brunette who's still in denial that she's too skinny. Then there's another blonde woman that you can't hear over the whisper of Minseok's heavy breathing.

"Hello, sir. I don't believe I've seen you here before," Pae Yun says with a small, encouraging smile. "Would you like to introduce yourself and tell us a little about why you're here?"

When all eyes turn to look at your boyfriend, you worry it will be too much for him. There is a sick fear in the pit of your stomach that he is going to refuse this treatment, that you won't be able to help him after all. But when you steal a glance at his profile, his features are calm.

"My name is Minseok. I'm here today...well I'm here because I thought I knew what I wanted, and I thought I knew how to get it. I didn't think I had a problem, but I..." He frowns at the floor with a sick responsibility—well-hidden, yet immovably etched in the lines of his face. "I could have killed someone. My choices aren't just...they're not just about me anymore, and I couldn't live if I knew that my own damn insecurities hurt somebody else." His hand slips from yours. You are resistant to let it go, but there is a new resolute strength in him, and you know to do this he needs to prove that he can stand alone.