The Moment I First Saw You -minizerk AU-

Realization

Josh's P.O.V.

I had to walk away from Simon. I couldn't look at him and not cry. I just couldn't. It hurt all over. I'm just scared of the same thing happening to me again.

I killed myself due to the fact of feeling like I disappointed the one person I love most. Now it is happening all over again. How am i suppose to go through life and not feel like I am constantly disappointing?

"Josh!" Harry yelled as he ran up to me and jumped on top of me.

I couldn't hold the balance and we ended up falling to the ground.

"Hey Harry. How was practice?" I asked as I got him off of me and brought him on his two feet.

"Fine...." He said awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, "that's beside the point. We still haven't gone on an actual first date. So will you go out with me?"

I then saw Simon past by. He just looked at me. My heart dropped, was I suppose to say yes? Or was I suppose to say no? My brain was so confused. I then saw Harry's hand swipe before my fast.

"Huh?" I questioned as Simon then walked away.

"Will you go out with me?" Harry questioned again.

"Yeah, sure. When and where?" I said still distracted by Simon.

"Eight o'clock. I'll pick you up. The place is a secret." He said as he kissed the side of my cheek and ran off.

I didn't really pay attention. All I could look at was Simon. He was laughing and fooling around with JJ and Ethan.

He is everything that I want. But I can't, I can't make the same mistake.

"Hey are you and Harry going out on a date?" Vik asked as he grabbed my shoulder.

I then turned around to see Tobi and Vik. The new couple. It was weird seeing my two best friends dating. I've known one for pretty much my whole entire life and the other feels exactly the same.

"Oh, yeah." I said as I then turned my head to see Simon gone.

"What you looking at?" Tobi asked.

"Nothing." I lied, like always.

Nowadays I rarely tell the truth. To afraid of disappointing someone or doing the wrong things. That is what my life has come down to. Making everyone else happy except for one person. The person that I love most and who I lie to most.

For the most part I do remember pretty much everything between Simon and I. I just can't remember what happened before Simon.

"Josh? Josh!" I hear Tobi and Vik yell.

"Sorry, what?" I asked as i went back to reality.

"Where are you staying, like where are you leaving?" Vik asked.

"Oh, well I am suppose to stay at the hospital for right now, but I am able to leave soon. So I don't really know where I am going." I said, finally telling the truth about something.

"Do you want to stay at the house with all the guys? It is pretty much everyone except Harry." Tobi asked.

"Yeah, sure. What is the deal with Harry anyway?" I asked confused about the one fuzzy part in my life.

"Oh, well he is just distant. That is all. We aren't really close to him. When you were in the hospital Harry did some weird shit." Tobi said looking the other way.

"Pretty much what happened was that he was shot when he was running back from the barn. We brought him to the hospital and that was the last time we saw him. Apparently he was getting drunk pretty often and just hooking up with a bunch of girls. Look he isn't a good person. You shouldn't-"