the heir's secret

frustration

Elizabeth crunches up another piece of paper, the paper crackles like the wood on a fire. Eventually she throws it to the corner of the room to join the other unwanted screwed up pieces. She puts her head on her hands as if it has suddenly become too heavy for her neck to handle. After a moment in this position she grabs another piece of paper and picks up her quill but it just wanders above, frozen in this position she stares at the paper, the lines on her forehead deepening with frustration.

"Do you need help?" I ask her after she screws up the blank piece of paper and throws it to the corner of the room to join the others.

"No, I can do this myself." I let my body fall back onto the bed and look up at the ceiling. I start counting the numerous cracks, wondering who else had looked up at this same ceiling and counted the same cracks. Elizabeth curses as I hear another piece of paper crackle as it is squished and destroyed. There is silence in the room for the second time and I decide to start a conversation.

"Who are you writing to?" I ask as I look up at the cracks.

"Mary." She replies, her voice filled with anger.

"Why?" I ask.

"To beg for her forgiveness and to release us, why else do you think?!" I imagine her face turning red with anger as she says this but I look up to notice that she has her head in her hands again and just looks exhausted.

We have been here for two weeks. Every day has been the same. We are woken up, are given two apples to eat and some weak ale. Elizabeth is then taken away and then I am. I am asked the same questions every single day. Then in the afternoon we are given peace. It seems like nothing has changed. Every day we fear for our lives, frightened of each question that escapes from their lips knowing that our answer may cause the death of us both. I have not become used to the fear.

"You haven't tried this before." Elizabeth stands up, her chair scraping the floor behind her. She walks towards the window and looks out.

"Thomas Wyatt is dead." I shiver as I hear the words that I had been told earlier this morning by my questioners. I had been in so much disbelief that I did not want to believe it. I had not discussed it with Elizabeth because I did not know whether they had told her.

"I know." I reply while walking towards her. "It is awful."

"She burnt him, at the stake." I hear the misery in Elizabeth's voice and I put my arm around her shoulders in a comforting embrace. She looks outside the window, her facial expression never wandering. I wonder if she even knows that I am beside her. "I killed him."

"No you did not. He would have done it anyway, with or without your help. He would have come to the same end."

"But he may not have gone so far. I gave him hope, this hope made him believe that he could defeat her." She turns away from the window and looks at me. I do not reply, what can I say? "They told me that over one hundred executions will follow his." Tears start to swell in her eyes but she brushes them away with her sleeve. She pulls away from me, walking to the middle of the room. "Almost two years ago I promised to God that I would never cry again because of her."

"It is good to cry, Elizabeth. It shows you that you have a heart. You are not crying for yourself but for the lives of others. You care. You should be proud of yourself for-"

"Proud!" Elizabeth interrupts. She wipes her eyes again but this time I don't walk towards her. "There was peace. I ruined it."

"The day Mary took that crown from Jane's head the peace was struck down with an axe. You may have done this to become Queen but you also did it to help the people of England." Elizabeth stares at me, she knows that I'm right. Slowly she sits down on the chair and looks down into her lap. I grab a chair from the corner of the room and sit down beside her. We don't look at each other and don't talk. I fight the urge to grab her hand and instead just sit beside her, listening to the rhythm of her breathing.

"We have not sat side by side in so long." She finally says. I know what she's talking about and I become sad when I think about it.

"We fell out."

"No we didn't." She replies. "You stormed out. I tried talking to you but... You just seemed uncomfortable, like you didn't want to talk to me... You were distant."

"I was embarrassed." I feel myself becoming uncomfortable and I start shifting in my seat.

"Why?" She asks. What do I say? What do I tell her? I decide not to reply and we sit there in silence. "You were jealous." She carries on. I don't reply because I know that it's true. "We have fallen out so many times. Like when Phillip kissed me. We had screamed at each other but afterwards had hugged and made up. But this time was different. There was no shouting, no screaming but yet you acted like I was slapping you, but I was not." I rise suddenly from my chair and walk away from her to the corner of the room. She is confused, I'm confused too. I don't know why I acted that way, doesn't she understand that? I face the wall, keeping my back towards her, I can't bear to look at her face but I know that she is looking at me. "Are you not going to say anything?" She asks, her voice filled with emotion.

"There's nothing to say." I reply. "I was just embarrassed that's all."

"But you weren't... Well you were but... there was something more I am sure of it." I hear her footsteps walk towards me but she does not reach out and touch me. "Look at me." I try to deny her command and stay facing the wall but I have taken commands from her since I was ten years old and I feel my instincts kick in. I turn around and look at her. I expect to see confusion and worry but I see none of it. Instead I see... something else.

"Elizabeth..."

"I don't love Robert." She interrupts. This is the second time she has told me this but I don't know whether I believe her. Why is she even telling me this? Why does it matter? Suddenly I feel my eyes wandering to her lips, she is so close that I can smell the sweetness of her breath. We stare at each other, not saying a word. My stomach begins tightening and my palms become sweaty despite the cold. I look up at her eyes and realise that she is looking at my lips too. I stare at her in the silence as I begin to wonder what it is we are even doing. Suddenly she leans towards me in a sudden quick motion and our lips touch. I taste a soft, sweetness and my stomach flips. My breathing stops and my whole body freezes. After only a few seconds she pulls away. I notice something in Elizabeth's eyes that I have never noticed before, for once I see happiness. I try to restrain myself until I can do it no more. My body pulls me towards her and this time I close the gap between us making our lips touch for the second time. I forget about everything around me as I enjoy my first kiss. I fall into ecstasy as our lips move together. Her hands touch my waist as we move even closer together and my hands move to her gable hat, I fumble with the clips that secure it until her red hair falls down to her waist. I hold her close to me as our lips continue to move together. Suddenly I feel my body shine with a new emotion that I have never felt before, but one that since I was ten years old have tried to fight every time I have looked at Elizabeth and heared her laugh, watch her smile and become a beautiful young woman. For the first time I don't have to fight it. Now I can finally admit that I am in love.