I sat on his bed staring at him as he angrily looked for a movie for us to watch. He had clenched his jaw as if he wanted to say something but with held himself in fear he might regret it. I dropped the subject but it still floated around in my mind.
How can this boy not believe I love him? I've only dedicated every second of my life to him since the first day his chubby cheeks walked into my third grade class. Even when we had lost our virginity to each other because we were to scared to lose it to anyone else. Why can't he believe that I know how he loves me and that I love him the same way?
"Rach." Luke said snapping me back into reality.
"What?" I said trying not to sound snappy but the way his face contorted there was a hint of it in my voice.
"Please can we not let this ruin tonight I just wanna hang out with my best friend and watch a movie till we fall asleep." Luke said trying to lighten the moment.
"Okay." I said rendering my mind away from the topic and taking my shoes off. He put the movie in and climbed on his bed with me. We climbed under his blanket as he fluffed the pillows and laid his head on it. I cuddled into his side nuzzling my head on his chest till I was comfortable.
I watched the television screen where a young boy held a cigarette in his mouth.
"Luke, what movie is this?" My voice was a bit groggy from being tired and the fact that Luke had been running his hands through my hair this whole time didn't help.
"Stand by me." He retorted with the same grogginess.
I had continued to watch the movie for roughly five more minutes before I had fell into a slumber.
"No!" I screamed as this huge man came running my way.
"What did I tell you?! You're fucking stupid you'll never go anywhere! You're just a stupid little girl!!" He screamed at me as he raised his fist.
"Please daddy don't hit me again." I cried sobbing into my hands
He pulled his arm back and punched me in my stomach.
"You're just a fat worthless excuse for a human being." He yelled at me for what felt like the thousandth time, as if I didn't know already.
His open hand came swinging down and across my face and I could feel the tingling start as I sobbed again.
"Oh you wanna cry? I'll give you a reason to cry!"
I opened my eyes waking up from my nightmare and thankful that that's what all those memories are now, just nightmares and they won't have to be my reality anymore. My vision started to go back into place as I began to realize where I was. My back was to Luke and his arm was over my side causing me to be the little spoon in this cuddle. I looked up at his alarm clock, which read 3:28. I rolled out of the bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen searching the fridge for something to eat.
"You know you do look better in Luke's clothes" A voice said that was sitting at the counter.
"Shit, Ben you scared me." I said putting a hand over my heart to feel it's rapid pace. I looked down at my bottoms curious of what he meant to find out that Luke, once again had changed my jeans into a pair of PJ bottoms.
"Are you hungry?" Ben asked
"Ya." I responded not quite sure on how I was supposed to.
He reached over and grabbed a bowl and spoon and pushed the cereal and milk over to the seat next to him.
I dawdled over to the seat next to him hopping up on to the bar stole.
"Why are you up?" I asked poring some cereal into my bowl.
"I could ask you the same question Rach." He said taking a bite of his cereal.
"I had a nightmare." I said putting the spoon into the cereal bowl.
"About what?" Ben looked at me. My posture turned sloppy, as I didn't really want to talk about it with him I normally wait till morning to talk about it with Luke.
"Oh about him?" Ben asked as I swirled my spoon around and the food no longer appealing to me and I got this sick feeling rising up in my stomach as I nodded.
"Are you okay then babe?" I turned to meet Ben's eyes full of sympathy for me.
"I think I'm goanna be sick." I said hoping off the seat and to the nearest trashcan where I had emptied the contents of my stomach. I looked up at ben who just kind of stared at me with this deep pain in his eyes.
"I don't need your sympathy." I said well walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I walked into Luke's room then into his joint bathroom to wash my mouth out. I soon climbed back into his bed with him and snuggled up close to him, his arm wrapping around me tight.
"Where'd you go?" He asked sleep heavy in his voice.
"To the restroom. Go back to sleep." I whispered into his chest.
"Okay." He said and kissed my forehead.
"I love you." I whispered and closed my eyes and felt Luke's breathing slow down as he feel back into his slumber.
