Wishes In The Dark - A Peterick Fanfiction

Twenty Two

That evening, after a brief encounter with Andrew in the apartment, he goes out to "Chelsea" again. I still don't know where or what that is.

When he's gone, Pete emerges from his room and asks to talk to me. I enter his room and he sits on the floor, with his back against the wall. I sit down next to him and wait for him to speak.

"Have you ever felt so worthless that you feel like the whole world would be better off without you?" he asks seriously. "Has someone ever made you feel like complete shit and regret being born?"

How about getting hit every day and told that I ruined my mother's life?

"Yes," I say sadly.

Suddenly I feel a rush of worry – that's a strange question to ask me after he's hardly spoken to me for days.

"I-is something wrong?" I ask sheepishly.

"I think it's time I told you about my history with our good friend Chad Gilbert," he sighs. "Well, I'll cut to the chase: we used to date."

I have to fight hard not to let my jaw drop to the floor. Pete and Chad used to date?! How is that possible?!

"I know, it's weird," Pete sighs. "And it's not something I'm proud of. I don't even know what his sexuality is anymore; it's obviously not gay if he's interested in Hayley."

"So what happened?" I ask. "How did you end up being enemies?"

"He cheated on me," he says bluntly. "With some man whore from a different school, or a different gang or whatever. I don't know. He dumped my ass straight away, and went on to point out all the bad things about me. He bullied me for about a year afterwards, and eventually I guess he just got bored. But that really fucked me up, you know. I was depressed, and Andrew had just started going to Chelsea then, which made things worse. Sure, I had my best friends Andy and Joe, but I still felt like shit. I can't tell you how close I was to ending it all – it scares me to even think about it – but I was close."

I keep my mouth shut and try to wrap my head around the fact that Pete and Chad used to date. I still can't believe it – they're nothing alike!

"So what's your low?" asks Pete.

I look at him. "My low?"

"When was the time that you felt so worthless you thought the world would be better off without you? Who was the person who made you feel like complete shit and regret being born?"

I sigh. "My mother."

"Your mother?" Pete asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah," I say, sighing again. "She -"

I decide against continuing with my story.

"Actually, this is a sad story. You don't wanna hear it."

"No, I do," Pete says eagerly. "I do."

My heart sinks. "Okay. Well, it all started...when I was born, I guess. My dad worked a busy job that stressed him out. About six months after I was born, he decided that he couldn't keep a job as busy as his and be a father to three kids (I have an older brother and sister). So he had a choice to make: his job or his family, and he chose his job. He left my mom to look after the three of us all on her own. That undoubtedly broke her heart, and she was so depressed. There was self harm, there was a lot of crying, there was even a suicide attempt. I remember she'd sit in her armchair reading the same issue of her favourite magazine over and over. Kevin and Megan, my older brother and sister, raised me themselves; Mom couldn't do it. They were like my parents – they did everything parents are meant to do for their kids. Until we got older and they left to go to college.

"When they went to college it was just me and Mom in the house together. That's when the worst started. She hated me. Almost everyday she'd hit me, or worse. Every night I went to bed with some kind of bruise: physical or emotional. I hardly talked to her, but when I did, she'd ignore me or get angry. She blamed me for everything: our dad leaving her and breaking her heart, ruining her marriage, breaking up the family, ruining her life. I had no one to talk to, what with the bullies at school. It was hard.

"No one should have that kind of relationship with their mother; I was scared of her. Whenever I entered a room and she was there, I thought, 'maybe today she won't hit me or scratch me or push me against a wall', but of course I was almost always wrong. No one should be scared of their own mother. And no one should ever feel as lonely or scared as I did back then." I sigh. "So, that was my low."

I look at Pete and realise that he's on the verge of tears.

"You...you got abused?" he says quietly.

"I guess I did."

"My god..." he sniffs and tries to hide his glistening, tear-filled eyes with his hand. "I knew you were bullied, but I had no idea you'd gone through so much..." A tear rolls down his cheek and he looks me in the eyes. "That's awful...I'm so sorry, Patrick..."

I shrug. "It's all in the past now. But Kevin...Kevin finished college, he came to the house and rescued me, I suppose. He took me in and let me live with him in his Wilmette apartment. Kevin saved my life. And now he's dead..." I swallow down a lump in my throat and ask: "What saved your life? When you were in your 'low', and you felt like you wanted to give up, what saved your life?"

Pete wipes his eyes fully and smiles. "Hope. Hope for the future. Hope that someday I'll meet someone who makes me forget all my pain."

I suddenly realise how close he is to me. Our heads are almost touching, and my heart is fluttering inside my chest.

"And have...have you f-found that person?" I ask, nervous as anything.

Pete gazes into my eyes, his beautiful brown eyes sparkling.

"I think I have," he says, so quietly it's almost a whisper.

He grabs my cheek and our lips collide.