Keeping a Strong Performance

Getting Out

So this story could be better but I'm like terrible so you're welcome.

When I finally left work late the next day, I dreaded what I would find when I got home. There was a part of me that wanted Reiner to be there, sitting on a barstool waiting for me to get home so he can tell me that he was wrong and that he loved me and only me. That wasn't the realistic part of me however.

The other part of me was telling me that there was no way he would be forgiven even if he begged on his knees, though I knew he wouldn't ever do that. Reiner's most prized possession was his pride and he would never give that up for someone like me. The realistic side of me had accepted that.

There was also another part of me that told me that it was better this way, for him to have someone else. She can give him a normal life, a normal relationship, a normal family. That was something I couldn't give him, a family. He had told me not long after we had gotten married that he wanted kids. He'd said, "Bertolt, I want kids someday. Not right now, but someday."

The only thing I can give him is adoption, and I knew that wasn't what he wanted. Now that I thought about it, he always had to tip toe around me. He was afraid that if he said the wrong thing I would break down or something like that. I was always a weak person. I never was able to stand up for myself let alone someone else. I wouldn't ever be a good parent. We had so many dreams that I thought we could achieve together.

That's probably why my heart broke into a million little pieces when I opened the door to our apartment. Everywhere I looked, it was empty. It was so lonely with him. He had taken everything of his. His clothes, the pictures of him and his family, all of his toiletries, the only thing that he left was a shirt or two and the one thing that caused me cry the most.

His wedding ring was on the counter. I picked it up and read the engraving again and again. Until forever was a lie now. I refused to take mine off because I still loved him for some stupid reason. I would always love him, I was afraid. I kept the ring in my hand and put my hand to my heart. I walked to the bedroom, and I was going to take a shower but I remembered that he and Mikasa had probably used that shower together. I grabbed a blanket from my drawer and went to corner farthest from the window and bed and sat down.

I closed my eyes and felt the ring in my hand, wondering if this was real. I wanted to wake up and find out that this was just another nightmare. There were so many things I wanted, but I wanted Reiner to love me most of all. Eventually I drifted off into a restless sleep...
~ (About a month later)

I hadn't left my apartment once since the day I got home to see Reiner had left and taken everything with him. I was afraid that if I even left that room I would lose everything I had left of him, which wasn't much. I'd missed many days at work and I knew that I was going to get fired for that. I had turned my phone off to ignore the calls from my coworkers and friends. I was sure word had spears quicker that a virus with Eren most likely knowing. I wondered if he was in on it too, but I didn't dwell on it.

I hadn't been eating much either. Even with a small amount of time, I had become even thinner than before and I probably looked like death warmed over. I knew what I was doing wasn't healthy and I needed to get out of the house, but there was the possibility of seeing Reiner.

Finally, I faced my fears and turned my phone on. I ignored all of the notifications I had from everyone and went straight to Annie's number. I texted her and asked her if she was busy and if she wanted to meet up and catch up. She immediately responded and said to meet her at the cafe in an hour. I sighed and finally got up. I went to the bathroom and got into the shower, not even looking in the mirror at my appearance.

I welcomed the hot water on my thin body as it hit me. I could feel my bones under my skin because of how thin I had become. I washed my body and hair, hoping it would wash my sorrows away a bit. I turned the water off and dried myself, getting cold at the loss of the hot water.