Keeping a Strong Performance

Shot Through the Heart and You're to Blame

So this isn't a great chapter and its not where I want it to be yet but I guess that will happen next chapter. I'm. Sorry. That. I'm. A. Terrible. Writer.

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, my elbows on my knees and I was slouched over a bit. I was wearing a thin tank top and the covers were all over the place. I heard the shower turn off and Mikasa step out of the shower. I'd been thinking a lot lately, and I knew Mikasa could tell. I was looking out of the window that had the blinds drawn. It was a Monday and I knew Bertolt would be at work right now.

Mikasa walked into the bedroom and sat on the other side of the bed with a towel on her shoulders. She looked over at me and I knew she had something she wanted to say. "What are we doing?" I asked still staring outside at the cold, barren world. I heard Mikasa sigh and stand up to walk over to the window I was looking out of. "What is this?"

"I don't know." She stated honestly. I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled at it. "It's not good, if that's what you're getting at. I know that." She said as she dried her hair with the towel.

"We only have sexual attraction. Nothing more. You know that though, don't you?" I asked and she nodded. I sighed and stretched a bit. She kind of laughed to herself.

"I don't even think we have that anymore. Honestly though, it was fun while it lasted but we're getting a bit too old for these games. That's just my opinion though." She shrugged and continued doing what she was doing. "I can't deny that I feel bad for it, whether you do or not. So, I don't know about you but I-" A banging noise cut her off.

The knocking was loud and urgent. It stopped for a moment but began again as soon as no one answered the door. Mikasa sighed and walked to the door while I stood up. She opened the door and I heard someone talking.

"Is Reiner in there?" she asked urgently. I could practically hear her roll her eyes when Mikasa didn't answer. "I don't have time for this." She pushed Mikasa out of the way and ran into the bedroom. She had worry in her eyes and she was out of breath. I'd never seen her like this and I'd known her for at least three years. "Reiner, it's Bertolt." She said breathless. She paused and I waited to hear what had happened. "He's been shot."

~
We drove at dangerous speeds to the hospital. I'd slipped some clothes on and went with her since her car was already running. I didn't even bother getting buckled in the rush to get there. Annie was tense and her knuckles were ghostly white. Her jaw was clenched, much like the rest of her body the entire ride.

When we finally got to the hospital, we both jumped out after parking in the closest spot we could find without searching too long. We asked the lady at the front desk where he was and she led us to where we needed to be. He was in critical care and when we walked in, it wasn't something I ever wanted to see.

He was hooked up to all kinds of machinery and heart monitors were beeping all over the place. A haunting sound for me. He was pale and lifeless, and I could barely handle it. Annie was still, not moving enough to even be considered breathing. "What happened?" I asked as I walked over to him and sat in the chair next to his bed. Someone came in the door and looked at Annie and I.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Zóe. Are either of you related to my patient?" She asked and I raised my hand to signal that I had some relation to him. "Okay, what's your relationship with him?" She asked and I swallowed.

"I'm his husband." I said and she nodded. Sure, I couldn't hardly be considered his husband anymore for what I'd done to him but he was still important to me.

"Okay well, the bullet luckily missed his heart but we're not sure yet as to what it might have affected inside his body. We won't know until he wakes up, and that's if he does." She explained and I stared at her in disbelief. She looked grim and I knew this was hard news for her to give us.

"What happened? How did this happen?" I asked, clearing my throat to not seem as upset as I was. She sighed and slipped her pen behind her ear. She leaned against the wall behind her.

"He was at his place of work and a group of gunmen who had something against Ms. Brzenska came in and threatened to kill anyone that got in the way of them. They eventually reached the floor in which she and Bertolt were on and of course by then they had received word of intruders. He was in there with her and when they finally busted down the door, police were on their way up. Bertolt shielded her and they shot him instead. They would've shot again but police got there just in time. He was very brave and I hope that everything will be okay." She said and bowed out.

Annie was just staring at his body. After a few minutes, she turned and walked out. That left only me in the room with my lifeless husband. I took his hand in mine like I'd done many times before when he was in the hospital or didn't feel well at home. I felt tears spill over from my eyes without my consent but I didn't try to stop them. My lip trembled and I began to sob at the horrible reality of what I'd done.

It took me seeing him barely hanging on in this life to realize that I was stupid. I still loved him, I never quit doing so. I was blinded by the thought that he would do something such as have an affair. I knew I was wrong, and now I'd possibly lost the chance to tell him that and ask for his forgiveness. Finally, I broke. Sobbing, I took his hand and kissed it.

"Bert, I know you probably won't hear this but I need to say it. Please don't leave me. I know I haven't got the right to say that, but I need you. I'm not asking you to take me back. I just have to have in my life because wherever you are, is where I want to be. I miss your smile and I know that I was the one that took that away. I miss your warmth that you give off when you're blushing. I miss the way you dance around the kitchen when you're supposed to be cleaning. I miss you. You've always said that you don't deserve me, but in reality I don't deserve you. Bert I was stupid, I admit that but I love you. I do, I really do.

"You mean the world to me. It was stupid selfish ambitions that led me to do the things I did and I don't ever want you to feel like I didn't love you, because I-I will never stop loving you. I know you probably didn't hear any of that, but I would never be able to bring myself to say that to you again because I'm not worthy of you. I'm not." I held his hand close to my heart as I cried. I didn't care if I looked like a child or anything of the sort.

I looked at his face and noticed that he looked to be at peace. I heard the door to the room open and a nurse came in. I looked over and seen them looking over at us with a small smile. "Sir, I'm afraid visiting hours are over for today. You can come back tomorrow morning." She said and I nodded. I kissed his hand and got up.

"Please, baby. Don't leave me." I whispered and walked out. It was cold outside and clouds were rolling in. Snow was coming and it was coming fast. I went over to Bertolt and I's old apartment. I unlocked the door and went in to the empty and lifeless home. I sat down in the floor and leaned against the door and just stared at the broken picture frame that was on the floor. It was a picture of him and I when we had first started dating.

He'd wanted a selfie with me but I didn't want to. I'd hugged him when I took him home and I heard a camera flash. I turned to see his phone in the air and him smiling. It turned out to be one of the best pictures ever. Eventually I fell asleep, and I hoped that I would be able to wake up an this all be a horrible dream.....

I SUCK I KNOW THANK YOU