In My True Element

Chapter 21

I wake up in Brackwick's castle and lazily move my eyes from the white ceiling to the floral wallpaper to the barred window.

Usually people don't know what their future has in store for them. Their days are full of possibilities, chances, surprises. I, on the other hand, am a lucky exception. I know what will happen today to the letter. In exactly ten minutes I will be brought breakfast. In thirty-five minutes the plates will be taken back to the kitchen and I'll be left to myself until lunch. After lunch I will be counting minutes until dinner that will be followed by a short shower and seven hours of sleep. No surprises. No mystery.

I sit up and remember the three hundred years of exile that happened in an almost identical manner. Except back then I didn't have a comfortable bed to sleep in. Yet, the time in the Quiet Land didn't seem to drag quite so slowly.

It's been almost a month since we came back from Vietnam. The same amount of time since I last saw Ilana. I wonder if her ankle has gotten any better. A couple of times I tried asking Brackwick and the guard who brings me food, but no one felt it necessary to provide me with the information.

The only highlights of my stay here were the short meetings with my family. Hoping they could help me figure out the final clue, Brackwick allowed me to visit them from time to time, but annoyed by the lack of any progress, he's taken that privilege away from me. I haven't seen them in over a week now. They are really close, and yet I could be hundreds of miles away and it wouldn't make any difference. It's driving me crazy.

I fall back on the bed, look at the ceiling and feel like screaming.

Something has to change soon or I will go insane.

Just on schedule the door to my room opens.

"Leave it on the table. I'll eat everything later."

"As you wish."

I look at Ilana, who is standing behind a soldier with a tray in his hands. The soldier, whose face is incapable of reflecting any emotions, quietly places my food on the table and turns to Ilana, awaiting orders. She nods at him, giving him his leave.

As Ilana steps into my room, the memories of our kiss in the cave rush back to me and I can't take my eyes off her lips – has she been thinking about it too? Has that moment given her as many sleepless nights as it has me? Has she also been forbidding every little excruciatingly painful moment of that kiss from replaying in her head over and over again?

"Ilana." I jump to my feet and wipe my palms on my jeans. "It's good you're here. I've wanted to talk to you."

Having understood the flow of my ideas, her eyes widen, she looks at the camera and shakes her head.

"I just want to apologize for my behavior." I whisper turning away from the camera.

"We're never talking about that. Ever." Her voice is edgy and her lips form a very thin line.

"I was confused, I didn't fully realize what I was doing." I keep whispering paying no attention to her earlier words. "I had no right treating you like that."

"Air."

"Yes." I take a small step in her direction as she says my name.

"You are still talking about it." Her features are taut and I can tell she's thinking of leaving.

"I guess what I really want to say is that I don't regret it." My whisper is barely audible, but judging by her face that suddenly turned pale, she had no problems hearing me.