In My True Element

Chapter 26

"Hey, how do you feel?" The second Ilana walks into my tent I feel alive again.

It's been more than ten hours since I last saw her. I couldn't fall asleep because each time I closed my eyes I saw her frozen face and her long eyelashes covered in frost. My frustration with my own weakness kept me awake, and I immediately felt like kicking myself. I couldn't resist the hallucinations the talisman gave me. And I got Ilana in a mortal danger.

But now that she's up and about I feel like maybe I don't need to be quite so angry with myself.

Wait. I look at Ilana and my guts turn into a knot. Her softness is gone and the old mask of detachment is back in its place.

What happened? Is she blaming me for what happened after all? I thought she forgave me for my visions, and she said she didn't blame me for Liram's death.

I want to resist the panic but it's surely spreading through my body.

Ilana walks in and sits down on a mattress.

"I'm good, thanks." She nods and looks at the orange walls of the tent, apparently fascinated by their color.

"You look much better." I have no idea what to say so I blurt out the first thing that pops into my head and lick my dry lips.

"Davidson told me you talked to my father."

It doesn't skip my notice that she's again calling him 'father.'

"Yes. We had a chat." If being screamed at can be called a chat. Brackwick was so angry with me that he promised me a lifetime of pain and misery if something even remotely dangerous happens to Ilana again.

"Good. Then we'll be ready to leave in about one hour. We'll continue moving in the direction of Dome A."

I see her body move and know she's going to leave. Without thinking, I reach forward as if to touch her but think better of it and stop just when my hand is inches away from hers.

"Ilana." Her eyes shoot down and she looks at my hand as if it's a poisonous snake. "What happened?" Maybe she also talked to her father and he convinced her not to believe me?

Questions are spinning through my head, making me feel dizzy.

"Air?" With her eyes she traces the length of my arm and finally settles on my face.

Very slowly I take my hand away. "Are you angry with me?"

"No." She shakes her head in confusion. "I... I just don't know..."

"What is it? Tell me." I move a bit forward, wishing to help her in any way I can.

"I had these dreams." She speaks quietly, trying to decide whether she should be saying it or not. "And we were talking..."

"But those weren't dreams." I move even closer and carefully take her hand in mine.

"They weren't?" She repeats, trying to understand if it's at all possible.

"Then you really didn't kill Liram? Because in my dreams you said you didn't." Urgency edges her voice. She needs to hear the truth and yet she is afraid to believe it. I understand exactly how she's feeling.

"No. I didn't kill your brother. I would never have done that." I speak slowly, wishing to imprint the words in her mind. She needs to believe me.

A tear is glistening in her eye. Her whole body has visibly relaxed and a faint smile touches her lips. It's just a ghost of a smile but it's made her face infinitely beautiful.