The MagCon Ships III: Paper (Jolinsky)(BoyxBoy)

Chapter 9 - For My Man

[Picture: Jack Gilinsky. Video: Memories - Shawn Mendes] 

So with this being our first date, we were both unsure whether or not we should hold hands as we made our way inside the restaurant. We waddled next to each other awkwardly as J asked for the reservation he booked. 

All of this is quite ironic, seeing how J took command of the date when it was I who asked him out. He picked me up, got us here, made the reservation and planned this night to be as beautiful as possible, just for me. 

The lady at the counter escorts us to a table by the window, giving us a view of the city in the night. We both take a seat as she tells us that she'll be back with the menus. I take a couple minutes to gaze upon the sight of the city, how the cars seemed so small from up above. How lights flash and flicker, from the headlights of the cars, the stoplights, to the TV screens on a building's sides. 

"It's nice, isn't it?" He says, looking through the window as well. 

"Yeah." I reply. I take my eyes off of the city lights and let them rest at the boy sitting in front of me. "I have to admit that this feels a little weird. I'm sorry." 

"No, no. I totally get that too." He shakes his head, chuckling. "We've eaten out so many times but never romantically." 

"Right." I smile. The orange lights that illuminate the room fit him so well, not to mention how stunning he already looks in his suit. 

"I'm sorry for what happened at the party." He says. "I never really meant to- uh... touch you like that." 

I feel my cheeks flood with warmth as I recall that night. How our lips moved in synchronization, how the night felt so young and so adventurous, how our hands wandered, especially his. "You were drunk. It doesn't matter." 

We stay silent as the awkwardness fills the gap between us, what happened that night was something none of us could have predicted. It was so sudden, so spontaneous, and everything got out of hand. I could've done something, I could've stopped it from going further but I didn't. I got carried away by how good it felt, knowing that that moment could have been a one-time thing. 

It's guilting me to think about it, but I took advantage of him. 

He didn't know what he was doing, once you're intoxicated to a certain level you start to lose your sense of what's morally and legally right or wrong. Your begin to enter a trance-like state where you actually don't know what you're doing. You're not thinking straight but your body keeps moving on it's own. 

The lady comes back with the menus, and with no debate about what we were having, we placed our orders and went back to the awkward silence that we left off. 

It wouldn't have felt right if J and I went all the way that night, and I know that. The only thing that I could think of the justify what happened was that I didn't allow it to go further. After he touched me, I knew that it had to stop there, I knew that if I didn't do anything now, I might not be able to control myself as the night progressed. 

"You missed a lot of worksheets while you were gone." I speak. The only thing that wouldn't be uncomfortable to talk about right now would be school, as I think anything else could just lead back to the halloween party.

He nods. "I know, I checked in yesterday. I have a shitload to draw." 

"You just had to be so dramatic." 

"Hey!" He retorts. "I wasn't being dramatic. I was in the middle of a crisis-" 

"Sexual crisis." I interrupt.