The MagCon Ships III: Paper (Jolinsky)(BoyxBoy)

Chapter 16 - Return

[Photo: Winter Days. Video: With Love - Christina Grimmie]

I felt like I was going to break. 

I felt as if I was going to fall down and be dismembered, shattering into a million pieces as I feel sorry for whoever was going to pick them all up. 

I let him go, watching him run up the steps of our dorm without even looking back at me. 

I got my one chance at trying to make the two of us work, but I failed. 

I didn't like staying in one place as I revel on what has just happened, I immediately walk down the steps of the patio, watching my shoes place their mark on the white snow. I walk aimlessly around the school campus, my body moving itself towards the exit as I want to clear my mind, somewhat shifting on autopilot as thoughts run through my head, clouded by the emotions that flooded my heart. 

I loved him, I really did. Nothing could explain the joy I felt knowing that I finally had him, that I was finally able to live a life with him in it as my significant other, as my boyfriend. Knowing the mistake I made, I know I can't do anything about it now. 

All that's left for me is to simply move on.

But that's where the issue lies, moving on is no easy task, especially for someone like me, and especially if the person you're trying to move on from is also your best friend. Not only has J been there for almost all my life, but we've kissed, we've hugged and we've snuggled together as if we both knew that we would last together, that the end of our relationship was nowhere in sight. 

I have trouble burning bridges with people I've shared an emotional bond with, nevertheless someone I've grown up with and someone I considered my other half. 

The school guards let me go as they know that college students on my level were able to trail in and out of the school, only the freshmen and the sophomore had restrictions on their free time. The city greets me past the gates, where the buildings were flashed multicolored lights that illuminated and danced around the clumps of snow. People bundled up in jackets and clothes to keep themselves warm.

This still wasn't what I needed.

I needed a place tranquil, a place that would isolate myself from anyone else in the world for even only a few minutes, a place that was silent and provided solitude. My feet automatically take me to a place that I've once visited before, disregarding the fact that it was a half-hour walk away.

With my hands tucked inside my pockets, I feel my heart drop lower into my chest with every step. Why was I messing relationships up? Someone like me, who tries to be as understanding as possible, still couldn't find a boyfriend who likes me. Despite all the girls who wished I were straight because I seemed like the perfect guys, I couldn't find someone that I could hopefully spend my life with. Everything goes fine for the first few months and then it's about time I screw something up.

I pass by the diner that I work in, looking inside with hopes of seeing Adrianna by her usual booth even though I knew she was back at her dorm, probably sorting things out with Jacob on the phone, or maybe they're out together, sitting on one of the steps of the girls' dorm or maybe they're out around the campus, walking as they try to become honest to one another.

I'm reminded that I still have the whole money thing going on, my parents having spent a lot for their vacation in Europe leaves more responsibility to me to help them get back on their feet. I have to start working double shifts at both the diner and the library, which means I'll barely get any time for anyone else except for myself. I'll surely make room for Adrianna, at this time, she's the one who deserves my time the most. I could shorten one shift at the diner if ever she needed me for anything. 

My body collides with a stranger, who was luckily standing sturdy enough that he didn't fall. I look back as I continue walking. "Sorry." 

He nods, returning to looking down at his phone as he waits for the streetlight to let him cross the road. 

Maybe it's time for me to take a little break with the love thing. Maybe this just means that I have to focus on more important matters like my financial status and school, that must be it, right? What other reason could explain all the shit that's been happening to me? 

All these problems are coming down at me at the same time and I don't think it's fair anymore. I'm a simple college student, I don't think I deserve to be this stressed. I'd understand if I was some multi-millionaire because with power comes great responsibility, right? But no, I'm just some broke, architecture student who has the worst luck when it comes to love. All I have right now is Adrianna. 

I reach the park that I wanted to be in, different from the one that Elliott took me since that would just add to the burden that I'm carrying. I still felt guilty for how I let Elliott go despite how good things were already going.

What if Johnson wasn't my biggest mistake? What if Elliott was? 

This park was one of my favorites since it closes at nine in the evening, but yet it was so easy to get into. I go a little bit to the right of the entrance where a bush conveniently covers a whole in the wired fence, now it's completely covered by snow. I rub my hands together before I dig it out, careful not to bruise myself with the wire. Sneaking in, the snow was thick enough to walk on since it covered the pavement that was usually there. I walk in the middle with the trees covering either side of me, breathing deeply as I finally get a little time to myself. 

Going deeper and deeper into the park, I let the night consume me. 

A/N: Hi, sorry for being away for so long. I'm trying to finish this as fast as I can so that I wouldn't leave you guys hanging.

I've almost lost inspiration for this story, so please let me know you're still there so that I could write more. If I see that there isn't much engagement here then I might move on to another story, sorry :/ It's just hard to revisit an old book that I haven't touched on in a long time.

The chapters have been short because I find it hard to find inspiration and especially motivation to write, so please, if you'd like this series to keep on going, tell me! :D

I'll see you soon, loves.