The MagCon Ships III: Paper (Jolinsky)(BoyxBoy)

Chapter 7 - Honestly

[Picture: Jack Johnson. Video: Boys Like You - Who Is Fancy Ft. Meghan Trainor & Ariana Grande]

I didn't feel sparks. 

I didn't feel the things you were supposed to feel when you kiss someone significant. I didn't feel the heat rise to my chest. I didn't feel the adrenaline pump throughout my body. I didn't feel the joy that would fill you once your lips meet the ones of someone you love. 

It didn't feel right.

Everything didn't feel right. 

As Elliott pulls away, I immediately regret the decision of letting him kiss me. He's not the one I truly love. Yes, even though I thought he was the one before, it's only right now where my gut tells me that he's not the guy I want to marry, that he's not going to make me happy in the long run. I want someone else, that's what it's telling me. A different boy I know must be the one I'll say my vows to, sharing the altar as we stood in our flushed tuxedos in front of all our loved ones. 

Seeing him smile even in the room's darkness makes it harder to tell him that what I did was wrong, and that what we shared couldn't go much further. I don't know how to break it to him, I don't know how to speak to him honestly about how I feel. 

I don't want him to get hurt. 

He chuckles, throwing his arms around my neck. "I love you, Jack." 

This doesn't feel right. I can't lie to him, I can't say that I love him back when in fact I really don't. I need to get away as soon as possible and I need it to be a good excuse. I quickly scan the room for something to get me out of this situation, but I see nothing but bodies dancing together as people continue enjoying themselves tonight. 

"I have to go." I say, panicking.

His expression fades as his smile disappears, and his dimples retract. "What?" 

"I'm sorry." I apologize, releasing myself from his hold. "I'll get back to you." 

I walk away from Elliott, ducking my head down in shame. I feel so horrible now, leaving the poor guy right after he kissed me. He's probably feeling worse right now, thinking that he did something wrong, he could be thinking now that he was a bad kisser because I walked out on him. 

The kiss wasn't bad, it wasn't at all. His lips intertwined with mine in a sweet manner that I could've kept going and made out with him if only it didn't feel so wrong. I don't understand why I can't seem to figure out why  it felt wrong, why it felt like I've made a big mistake and now I have to clean it all up. I hate hurting people, and I hate letting them down. 

I avoid turning around, scared to see Elliott lose interest in the party and head outside, because that's what I'm assuming he'll do. 

I catch sight of the panda beanie Adriana's wearing, and for a moment I stop to wonder how she's keeping it on despite the rising temperature in the room. Seriously, all the people moving around, body parts brushing against each other is possibly going to make this building a human kettle. I head towards her, brushing past college students from various departments of our school as I try not to bump into anyone, staying as clear as possible.

Somehow, the reality of what just happened took my tipsiness away, and I don't feel as intoxicated as I did before. Maybe it's the adrenaline or the shock of Elliott leaning in to kiss me.

She was next to a wall, talking to Jacob with her arms wrapped around his neck, just like what Elliott did as Jacob wrapped his around her waist. I walk up to them, making myself seem smaller as I slouch to asks Adriana if I could talk to her. Jacob notices me and shoots me a smile from his incredibly baby-faced features. He nods to the both of us, saying that he'll be fine and he leaves as Adriana meets me.