Blunt

Tight Grip

"You're not going away before you answer my question."

I stared at his mesmerizing eyes, tears threatening to fall from the edges of my eyes. "I'm not telling you anything," I hissed through my clenched teeth. This man, with his cold and a bit boorish attitude, he really loves to get under my skin. And to your heart, an amused voice reminded. No more.

"Spill it."

Thunder cracked loudly behind, and the cold rain drenched the two of us. I saw lightning dancing on the black night sky, but everything was blurred. I tried to focus at the man in front of me. "No."

Avian tightened his grip on my wrist and I swore if he tightened it even more, my bone would snap into two. "I'm not letting go of you if you don't trust me, princessa," he warned.

I wanted to cry. To cry so badly and just let everything out of my system. I want to let go of this heavy burden. "It's not about trust," I faintly heard my own voice. It quivered in fear, defeated by it. "It's my way to protect those I..."

A lump of brick blocked my throat and I could no longer move my tongue, let alone to mutter anything. I felt like instead of letting go, I just pushed those burdens deeper into my stomach. The emotion froze me in my spot and knocked the remaining air left in my lungs. I choked, desperate to breathe, but darkness invaded my vision like it was all just a dream. I bit back my tongue, and I felt nothing but numb, not even the slightest pain. A painful wound reopened in me, I could feel it. Raindrops raced down those wounds, the cold sensation reminding me that I was alone. I will always be alone.

They left me. They pushed me away. They got rid of me. They erased my existence. They- they know I'm not worth it. They --- they were right.

He also left me. He disappeared from me. He ran away. He didn't want me. Or need me. He didn't have to think twice.

I ripped my wrist away from his grip, a surge of energy bubbling inside. Anger? Sadness? Fear? I wanted to hide away. I want to stop myself from being visible to those striking cobalt eyes. I want to stop being a burden. "Believe me, we're better off like this," I muttered slowly, thankful for the rain. I look hideous enough, and a crying face is never the best look on one's face. It felt like a room in my brain were filled with the sound of the howling wind. I felt cramped in my own mind.

His expression was that of something I cannot quite decipher; like he was thinking deeply about something, like he was trying to figure out a mess. Like, like he was disgusted. He's disgusted at me. I'm a mess. Nobody likes a mess. Everyone is better off without a mess. I- I need to go.

"Who did this to you?"

I was startled at how soft he sounded, like he was genuinely concerned. But I know the tone well enough to know that he was only pitying me, feeling sympathetic to me. I don't want to be symphathized. I've understood that I'd do everyone a good favor even without being sympathized at.

Not hearing my answer, he inquired again. "Who did this to you, Lei Ann?"

I lost my hold, my knees buckling in as surprise took over my body. "Y-you knew?"

He knew. He knew who I am. He knew. I'm done for.

"Who did this to you, I asked?" His hand reached out, maybe to stroke my tears soaked cheek, or to swat away the lightnings from electrocutting me. He knew.

I didn't remember anything after that in the next day.

-Lei Ann, To Build, subtitled Tight Grip-