Things That Piss Me Off.

Really Really Bad Cliches

         Bad clichés...sigh.

        So, I actually like a lot of clichés. I mean, the reason that things become 'cliché' is because lots of readers like the idea, therefore lots of writers write about it. Clichés are generally good story ideas, they're just over-used. That's the definition of cliché.

       Cliché i.e. (in art, literature, drama, etc.) a trite or hackneyed plot, character development, use of color, musical expression, etc.

anything that has become trite or commonplace through overuse. 

    Now. this is a rant about bad clichés. I do want to say in the beginning though, that I have probably read many many many good books with the following clichés in them. The thing about clichés is that you have to be a great writer to use them. Some people are great writers, and like I said, their stories are great. :) However, most people who use clichés (especially on this site...) are not very good writers, so the cliché just makes their story worse. 

     Stupid hellmonkeys... 

     The first cliché that bothers me is kissing in the rain. I don't even understand how this became a cliché. I know that when you read about it, it's so romantic and all, but...seriously? Think about it for a minute. Kissing in the rain. Romantic is probably not how I would describe it...

    First off, unless you just decided to waterproof your whole face of makeup that day for no reason, it's going to drip down your face like nobody's business. You are going to look like a scary demon clown girl. Your face will be melting. Does that sound romantic to you? Because it sure doesn't to me...

    Next, I want to talk about hair. For some reason, all of the female protagonists in these stories have beautiful, long flowing hair or whatever. You think that if you just go in the rain and kiss your boyfriend/badboy/thing/hellmonkey/whatever, your hair will behave? Your hair is not just going to fall down your back in perfect-ness like it does in books and movies. Your hair would be all over the place! If it's pouring outside, like it always is in these kinds of situations, there's going to be wind and crap too. He probably wouldn't be able to kiss you without getting your hair in his mouth. Which, suffice to say, is not really romantic.

    And then like...your cold and your wet and water is pouring down on you when your kissing...I just...I don't know. That's just never really appealed to me. I mean if you think about it, it's actually kind of gross. And you could both catch pneumonia or whatever. Yeah, so romantic.  

    The mate/rejection story. Just...ugh. Now, I've read many of these that are good. And what generally (with exceptions) differentiates the good one from the bad ones, is the why. Why did they get rejected? Sometimes, the mates have a complicates backstory that makes them not want to have a mate/afraid to have a mate. Those are generally the good ones. Mostly because there's an actual legit reason that they've been rejected!

   I don't understand the other ones. They just don't make sense. If a mate is supposed to be someone chosen for you, someone you could never hurt, how is it possible to reject them? It really bothers me when the player up-coming Alpha is like "oh yeah, I reject you because, you know, I want to bang some other sluts and stuff". There's so many things wrong with that.

    First of all: ew. If you're an upcoming Alpha, you'd think that behavior like that would be completely unacceptable. Also, then they suddenly change and become great guys and live happily ever after. If they really reject their mate to live a party life, they're not going to just change their mind. I understand that there's some sort of 'mating bond', but still. First they're assholes, and then they're perfectly nice guys that were just confused. Um no, I don't think so.

      And like I said before, how is that even possible? There is no way that someone should be able to just reject their mate for a stupid reason. With all the things about mates being 'soul mates' and 'each others destiny' and stuff, rejection for a stupid reason should literally be impossible. Like they just can't do it, because they're soul mates and all that jazz.

     Okay, and why is the Alpha's mate always some puny little shrimp wolf thing? Like, sometimes, she grows and there's character progression and she becomes strong. If it's like that, then I can understand. Nonetheless, it rarely ever is. Half the time you get some puny little thing being the Alpha's mate, and they just open up to him and feel all safe and warm and protected in his arms and other bullshit like that. Um no, if you're an Alpha's mate, you should be strong too. Otherwise, just be someone else's mate. Seriously.

     When the main character describes themselves.

     I'm 5'7 and I have waist length dirty blonde hair and green eyes. I'm slim and tan, but not orange, and have curves in all the right places. Except I think I'm really ugly and not pretty at all and everyone hates me.   

     What the actual hellmonkey?

    First, this is just a horrible way to introduce your character. Horrible. Could you be any less creative? Nobody wants to hear you describe your character. No one. It's horrible.  Good authors know how to describe characters without actually describing them, if that makes sense. It doesn't, but whatever. Get over it.

    And how come all these characters think they're ugly? You've just described yourself as a fucking supermodel. You're gorgeous. Then they're all like "oh I'm so ugly, nahh". What are you even talking about? Did you not just describe yourself as gorgeous? I think you did.

    You can either be beautiful, or you can be hideous. You can't be both, so stop contradicting yourself. If you actually thought you were ugly, you wouldn't describe yourself as "having curves in all the right places." I have literally read books where the character describes themselves as having curves in all the right places, and then calls themselves ugly.

    I just - I don't understand! Why would you write something that is so blatantly contradictory? So don't do that...yeah.

     Abusive/Always Drunk Parents. For some reason, whenever a character is a dickhead, or tough skinned, or anti-social, it's always because of mommy/daddy issues. Your parents beat you/starved you/abused you/ignore you/sometimes forget you exist/ etc.  

    Like...I'm just curious...where is social services in all of this? And also, blaming your characters flaws on their parents is a huge cop-out. Is there a such thing as originality? Why can't one story have a protagonist with perfectly normal parents? Just one. That's all I ask. Or at least put a spin on it, and try to make it original.

     I also find it hard to believe that if you were getting beaten/abused etc., someone wouldn't know. People aren't entirely unobservant all the time. Teachers will notice if you get a lot of bruises. People will wonder where your black eye came from. If you're taken to a hospital, the doctors will call the police if they suspect abuse. This is real life. Not everyone is stupid. (Just most people...)

   It's harder to hide things like that than people think. Parents that are abusive/drunkards can't just flip a switch and turn it on and off. Like in werewolf stories how there's always the like "abused alpha's daughter" and whenever the other packs come to visit her parents suddenly become not drunk/not abusive. It doesn't work like that! Abusers escalate! Alcoholics escalate! They can't just stop because they have guests. That would make them a sociopath and/or psychopath.

     However, if your parents were sociopaths/psychopaths, you'd probably be one too. Because people like that would mold you into whatever they wanted. And if you didn't do what they want...well, you wouldn't be telling a story. You'd be dead.  

      Alright, hope you liked this! Don't do these things! If you do...

      You're all idiots.

     Go to hellmonkey.