Blame It To The Heart

Chapter One

"I would look for an undiscovered star name it after you. Because you're as far and as beautiful as them. You seem so close yet you're just too far."

I wrote in my journal and looked at the beautiful girl a few feet away from me. She looked at my direction and flashed me a sweet smile. I waved back. She's flawlessly beautiful. Like a cloud forming in different shapes and figures, and no matter how indefinite they look like, they will always look wonderful. Carefully carved into something people will admire.

It might have been perfect. The view. Her. But the twisting pain in my chest reminded me otherwise.

She'll never be with me. Never.

She walked towards me with her arm wrapped around her man's waist and his arm holding her still on her shoulders. "Hey." She greeted me.

"Hi." I answered.

"Kumain ka na ba, Ly? Tara. Sabay ka na sa'min." I wanted to say 'No' but she was my own point of gravity. Whatever I do, even if my mind says  no, my body will always move on its own and it will always give her a 'Yes'. Like our feet touching the ground. You would want to fly but the gravity says otherwise, because you can't and you won't.

I nodded in response and we walked to the cafeteria.

"How does it feel to watch her smile, and it will never be for you?"

It felt like hoping for the sunshine when you know it will rain.

I just wanted to be with you. It's as simple and as complicated as that.

"Ly, anong gusto mo?" Denden asked me and for a split second, if only I didn't know who I should be I would've answered "Ikaw" but that would be the worst response ever.

"Adobo nalang." LA walked away from us to order us food and Denden's gaze immediately locked on me. "Hey. You okay?" She asked.

I badly wanted to answer 'No' but again, that would be a bad idea. "Ofcourse." I told her and smiled to make it more convincing.

She became silent for a little while and I swear, I can feel the awkwardness slowly feeling the air. Another minute passed and I heard her sighed deeply. "I'm sorry." She said.

I looked at her, and then to LA's direction but he's still far away from the counter. "For what?" I asked Dennise for I didn't know what she should be sorry about. "For making you feel that way."

She knows. How I feel about her. I searched for her. I looked for her region after region because I thought. . .

I thought love could be found.

And maybe I was wrong.

"You don't have to. It was my choice to come here." I smiled. A hint of sadness plastered on my lips and on my words.

"I'm sorry. I thought you won't really do it and I didn't hope. And. . ."

"Ssssssh, Den. Please. Really, it's okay. It's my fault for hoping too much. It really is dangerous to feel that way." I cut her off.

"Ly." She held my hand and I wanted her to not let go. Never. Because this way I might've feel her and enjoy the illusion she once showed me. Love.

"It was virtual, Den. I shouldn't have expected anything." I told her.

"I loved you." And then it hit me. It hit me so hard I almost felt dizzy. "Loved". How can one word inflict so much pain? "Thank you." Was all I could say.

This conversation brought me back to the days when she made me feel the feeling of love and being loved back.

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