Into Your Isolated World [SuLay/LayHo] ENGLISH

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Deep black eyes observed the shining small blade; Fingertips running along the cold metal. A pad of fingers laid flat on the sharp blade. Then there was a deep inhale.

The boy picked up the blade and let the sharp side slide on his white, unmarked skin. And he whimpered as a small trail of blood appeared on his hand. A drop of blood danced and fell into the crystalline water like a ballet dancer. It dissolved in the water after creating a pink shade around it.

The boy let out a hot breath and turned away from the sight of blood while shaking his head as he dropped the blade into the water-filled sink.

He sighed as he washed the blood away and glanced at the still blade underneath the sink.

He drained the sink and watched as the water went down under and picked up the laying metal piece, smiled at it and threw it away.

It felt better. Not physically or mentally better but it felt like it.

Maybe that's why everybody chooses to hurt themselves instead of speaking out loud.

~••=••~

Greek used the word that meant "Lust" for homosexuality. And back in the history, homosexuality was considered a mental issue.

But is it?

In Yi Xing's opinion, it's not. Homosexuality is neither lust nor a mental issue.

Because he can see how Suho's perfectly functioning in his life and how he's not into sex or anything.

He had seen it in Suho's eyes.

He could and he's seeing it right now.

Suho stared at him as Yi Xing ate his breakfast; elbow on the table and palm under his chin. He had the look of admiration and his eyes shone like diamonds under the sun. It wasn't lust. It wss love. Yi Xing could see it.

And he felt a bit sad because he still couldn't love Suho. Yes, he may call him "Myeon" and he did hold his hands in his sleep, accepted Suho's love but those didn't mean he's in love with him.

He's still Zhang Yi Xing with healed wounds and deep scars inside him. "Insecure" was the word that described him and it still does. He couldn't open his doors wide, he still couldn't let Suho into his world.

He's afraid he would break Suho with his past.

"Xing? Why did you stop eating?"

Suho asked as he waved a hand in front of his face. Yi Xing smiled as he shook his head.

"I'm just thinking."

"About what? Stop daydreaming while eating. It's not good for you. Besides the food would get cold."

Yi Xing smiled as he cut the omelette in his plate with a spoon and mixed it with the grains of fried, brown rice. Suho really sounds like a grandma, like Chen said.

"What were you thinking about, by the way?"

"Just... about you, of course."

Suho looked away as he laughed, trying to cover the second skin of red on his cheeks with his loud, unusual laugh.

"You've got to be kidding."

"I'm not. And also I'm thinking about your father."

The laughter died as a fiery firewood being splashed with a bucket of water and Yi Xing immediately regretted about taking that subject up. It's just the morning after and he shouldn't have mention about it. He became an unsocial shadow since years ago so he had forgotten how to speak well or how to please a person.