Ever feel like you don't belong in your own friends?
Yeah. That's me. But basically all the time. I always get lefted out. Whether they're going anywhere or are making a group or just talking. And let me tell you that does not help my self confidence or depression.
I just tend to keep to myself and I originally had the AMAZING idea in second grade that I didn't need any friends because no matter what I knew that if I get too attached to them and when they leave, and I knew they will, it'll hurt. I was already hurting pretty bad I couldn't stand anymore pain. But hey. One thing lead to another and I ended up making one or two friends. And they left. So easily like I was nothing. So if I have trust issues that's probably one of the reasons why.
Later on I ended making more friends because I found out that I actually liked talking to other people. Who would have guessed.
Anyways. The point is, I feel like a nobody within my own friends. I have quite a lot of internet friends (and you know who you are) and we have this group chat. I feel like the outsider because I wasn't there from the beginning and not everybody on there knows me as well as others. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. I'm probably gonna get a message saying "But Jamee! You're not a nobody! You're important to me!" And yeah I get that but I always get told that your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters and my opinion of myself is pretty shitty to be honest.
Its past 1am and tomorrow (or today more likely) is Christmas. I will probably only get like 6 or so hours of sleep so I should try to get some now.
Goodnight.
