Haha.
Just as I thought. I mean nothing to anybody.
Granted I do have friends and I have internet friends but the thing is, I don't matter to them. I'm just there. As always. I'm always just on the sidelines. I'm the friend that is always forgotten.
I am always last on everyone's mind.
And let me tell you it doesn't help with my depression. I already hate everything about myself and I already know I'm nothing so I don't even know why it bothers me anymore.
I guess I got the thought after not being at school since October that I mattered to people.
Haha. How pathetic. I hide everything with a smile yet they don't know that I'm dying inside. They don't even ask or care if I'm fine. Granted I always say I'm fine but it's obvious I'm not. Just look in my eyes.
Funny how much a smile and an "I'm fine" can hide.
Lately I've been getting pretty handy at taking apart a pencil sharpener and hiding the razor in my dresser.
And I never tell because nobody cares. All I am is another hormonal teenager.
Just once when I say "I'm fine." I want someone to look me in the eyes and say "Tell me the truth."
Tomorrow I'm going to be alone again. I don't trust myself. I'll never be able to trust myself anymore.
If you haven't noticed this story is just me and my crazy, fucked up, depressed mind.
Today I got told by my own mom to "Just feel better" and I just stared at her. After she saw my reaction she had the fucking nerve to tell me it was a joke.
Yeah. Great joke mom. So funny I forgot to laugh.
I am just sick of everyone and everything
