As probably none of you know, my datemate broke up with me.
Again.
Okay, so apparently they never thought of me as more than a friend, which is an asshole move. Dating someone who openly admited they're basically in love with them.
I've basically came to the conclusion that they dated me out of fucking pity because that's all anyone does for me anymore. So many fucking people told me They were my friend out of pity and the one I fucking gave my heart to said almost just that. I just..
They said that once I "get over this" we could still be friends. Thanks. "Getting over" a break up with someone I fucking love them being friends only to have my heart ripped out of my chest countless times sounds very pleasing.
But I guess there is something that isn't that bad that came out of this. I no longer have to continue loving someone who doesn't love me back.
I'm sick of the lies. I'm sick of people pitying me. I'm just sick and tired of people pretending to give a shit about me then just leaving me behind in the dust at my most vulnerable.
I said those exact words to a very close friend of mine, and what he responded with put me in tears.
"First of all, I want to make it very clear to you that I am in no way friends with you out of pity. You are amazing. I love you. I know you may not believe me, I have hardcore trust issues and tend to have a hard time listening when people tell me things like that, so I get it if you don't believe me, but it's 150% true. You're amazing. Fuck anyone who can't see that.
I know you don't want to hear it, but you will find someone better and you deserve someone better. What they did to you was very wrong and misleading and I'm frankly pissed with them right now but that's beside the point. You are worth so much more than someone who doesn't love you. I cannot emphasize it strongly enough, one day someone will love you as much as you love them and it will all be okay. But for the time being, it's gonna hurt. There's no way to hide from that fact. Break ups fucking suck. Cry, scream, break things, do what you gotta, but please don't blame or hurt yourself. I am always here to talk to. I love you."
When I read this, I started crying. This was the only time that someone actually put into words about how they care about me and what I mean to them.
The first time someone took the time to write a paragraph about how much I mean to them. This is what I need. I don't need a girlfriend. I don't need many friends.
I need people who actually care about me. Who actually take time out of their lifes to tell me How much they care. It means so, so much to me when he did this.
Thank you Atlas. You're amazing, I doubt you're reading this but fucking thank you. I really needed to hear that.
