why i need you

chapter 5

Scottie

I'm back in the same theater. Sure enough I look to my side again and there is the girl. She is missing her bucket of popcorn instead she has her hands full of sour patch kids. Where does this girl get these goodies? They are bigger than costco sizes! I take a moment to take her in. Her cheeks are full like a little chipmunks, yet she still manages to stuff another handful in her mouth. She turns to look at me and grins. She point to the screen and then waves, before I can even ask any questions I feel the familiar pull.

Once again I'm back in my hospital room. I slowly walk to my side running my finger tips up and down my arm. I don't feel the tingles like I do when Vincent does. I can feel the tears start to sting my eyes. Before I can let my tears flow I hear the door open. I turn to see who has enter and instantly my heart swells. Jaxson. He stole my heart with those sapphires.

I see him just stand at the door looking at his feet. It breaks my heart to see him like this. Going into the unknown he still walked with confidence. His right hand is in his pocket fiddling with something. As he starts to walk towards my bed I can hear him start sniffling. When he finally looks up I can feel my heart stop. His beautiful eyes are blood shot and puffy, darkness surrounds them with bags under his eyes. What the hell is going on? He slowly pulls out whatever was in his pocket. It's the pocket watch that I gave him the first weekend the boys came to live with us. I was sure he lost that thing somehow. He was twirling it around her finger, opening and closing it. He comes and tucks it in my hand. I felt tingles in my left hand. I try to move them but they don't budge.

Jaxson pulls up a chair and sits next to me holding the same hand with the pocket watch. He just sits burning holes into the floor. I walk up behind him and rub his back. He instantly  raises his head and turns around looking around the room. Did he feel that?

"I love you mom." His deep voice and whispers across the room. " I love you so damn much. I never truly knew the meaning of love until you found me. I tried to fight it for months. I think its Lily's stubbornness in making me her best friend that finally got me to let love in." Jaxson chuckles and starts to rub his face with his hand. He clears his throat. " Dad told us did bring something that reminds us of you or something special. I always kept it in my pocket. When you gave it to me I think that was the day I knew I could trust you. I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was our first weekend with you. You let us go out to a friend's house to "play video games" when really it was a house party. We were supposed to be back by midnight. I think we came around 4am. All I remember is we were shit faced. We thought we were badasses thinking we didn't get caught. Boy...were we so wrong! Blasting around the house and intercoms we wake up to some crazy ass country music. When we finally got down stairs I couldn't help but laugh at you and Lilly dancing around making pancakes. I remember yelling at you to turn the music down. That's when you started to turn the blender on. I remember looking at it and instantly started to puke in the kitchen sink. You told us to sit down. You handed us each a glass of the blended drink. You said it would help with the hangover. The twins mouth fell open. They didn't think you knew we were hangover. You always knew when we were hungover and those were the weekends you and Lily would have your kitchen dance parties. You never lectured and you made sure we knew that you knew we had gone out drinking. Later that night you came into my room and told asked me why we didn't come home on curfew I said I didn't have a watch. you left the room for a few minutes. That's when you handed me the pocket watch. You said your great grandfather gave it to you and that I no longer have an excuse for not being home on time. I carry it with me everywhere. I feel like it's a reminder that I have someone that cares for me and willing to take a chance on us boys. I love you mom. I'm lost without you."

I watch as Jaxson uses his sleeve to wipe his tears away. I can feel a lump in my throat form. Watching my oldest son in tears breaks my heart. He puts a good front up but really he has the biggest heart I have ever seen. He grabs a chunk of my hair and twirls it with his fingers then leans down and kisses my forehead. With one last glance over his shoulder he walks out.

Before I can fully absorb what Jaxson had told me the 'twins' came bursting in. Those damn boys would be the worst spies ever. You can hear them a mile away. Graceful? They most defiantly are not! I wouldn't change a thing about them. Every time I look at them I can't help but think about what kind of girls that would marry these two goonies. I can't feel any pain, being in a hospital bed you would think these boys would consider it. Of course not. They don't even bother with chairs they just plop their asses on either side of me. I can't help but choke out a laugh/sob. These are my boys. I watch as they both pull out the same picture out of their wallets.

Out of all the pictures to have of course they would choose the most ridiculous one. We decided to get some family portraits taken. It was the one snap shots that was taken when all hell broke loose. I don't even know when the whole thing started. My eyes wandered to Max. He has never been good with handling serious situations. He was a jokester. If you need to be cheered up he your man. Seeing my boys like this hurts more than anything I can imagine. Grant starts to laugh to himself. I can see him just fiddling with the picture. When I step closer I see he isn't laughing but crying. My eye widen as I watch Max walk up to Grant and put his arm around his shoulders to comfort him.  To my surprise its max that begins to speak.

"We weren't sure what we are supposed to bring or say to you. All we could think about was our family pictures. Sure we can carry the perfect picture with all of us smiling and being proper, we carry his one instead. We never had a family. We just bounced around to different foster homes. We were the unwanted until you and dad came into our lives. You both never pushed us. Lily is a storm of her own. I'll never admit to it if you tell her but she was the one that sealed the deal. You guys loved us unconditionally from the beginning. You guys never gave up. This picture is us the real us."Max tries to clear his throat but the tears start to flow down his face. My knees feel weak. I slowly lower myself down to the floor. My own tears start flowing.

"This picture really does show who we really are. The first thing you notice is Lily with her bright smile and her red dress. She is sitting on Jaxson's lap. Shocker. People always refer us as the 'twins' but really it should be those two. I think Jax's face is priceless looks like he is trying to spit Lily's crazy hair out of his mouth. In our rumpled clothes Max has me in a headlock with shocked face during mid fall. I think my favorite part is the dogs. One is taking a shit on your roses while the other sniffs the other's ass. Then there is you. Your looking up to the sky with your eyes closed, hands on your hips. It's like you are praying to some voodoo god for help. Last but not least dad. I think his face says it all. It's a face we see him do all the time. He still has the same expression around you even when he brings that bitch Veronica around. He's looking down with a smirk on his face. His head is cocked to the side just staring at you like he just won the greatest prize of all. Every time he looks at you all you see is love. I think that is why we have been fighting your guys divorce and hating him so much. We don't understand why he can't see it. Just being in the same room with you both you can feel the love swarming around you. This is our family. The only family we ever had. You gave us hope and love. We need you to fight. Without you we will fall apart. The love you and dad have for each other is the glue that keeps us together. We love you and need more than you will ever know. We also agree to leave the pranks to a minimum." Grants leans forward and kisses my cheek and tells me he loves me. Max hesitates beofre he whispers in my ear " Please don't make me say goodbye. I love you mom see you soon"

They both start to walk out when I get a sudden urge to hug them. Pull them tight to me and tell them I will never leave them. My fingers start to tingle. I look at my hand resting on the bed. My fingers are twitching! I fast as the urge came it was gone. All the hope, happiness I felt gone. I felt alone. I run to the door, but I can't open it. I can't leave this room. I need to be with my family. I need to tell them I'm here! I will never leave them! I try to peek around the blinds. Since announcing our divorce the boys and Vincent haven't been able to be in the same room without trying to kill each other. The only thing I could see is Vincent hugging Max and Grant. I can see the boys shaking and Vincent wiping his eyes. Something off to the side catches my eye. Veronica. She is leaned against the wall off to the side out of view of everyone. Her head snaps up and our eyes lock. Her face pales. What the fuck?