Ultramarine -- REWRITTEN

Nine. [h.s.] -- REWRITTEN

          Newfound nerves fluttered underneath my skin. It was a light that pulsed with every beat of my heart; a glow that closed off every time I approached someone I knew. A portion of me craved it, while the other was the polar opposite. I was beginning to despise the constant battle against these new feelings; the swords and shields striking every minute of every day. It was new, tiring, and terrifying. The Association was safe, and denying these emotions would keep me safe. With the Association, there were no surprises. I knew what life had in store for me. It was familiar and comfortable. There were no unexpected events that came up; nothing that threw me off guard. The unknown, however, was risky. It struck the shields repeatedly, attempting to discredit what I'd lived in my entire life. To leave or reject the only option I'd known, or even the thought of doing so, twisted my stomach and made the floor sway underneath my feet. Overall, it wasn't a comfortable process whatsoever.

          The deck of cards pressed against my thigh as each step guided me toward her chamber. I suppressed the glow that throbbed underneath my skin. It choked in my lungs, spreading to every cavity in my body. This was the feeling that I enjoyed and tried to revoke in the quiet hours of the day. It was brief, disappearing when the sound of heels against tile echoed down the hallway I entered. The glow was replaced with blood in my ears, watching as Aria turned the corner and began to approach. Her smile suddenly seemed wicked, and I could read the words "I know what you've done", on her lips. The all too familiar feeling of paranoia was a grenade that momentarily paralyzed the swords and shields. At the moment, it no longer mattered which side I fought with, but how to bury them quickly enough for her not to see the glow, the questions, the doubts, and the arguments raging in my skull.

          "Harry, I need to speak with you," she called as she approached.

          I nodded, knowing that I would choke on the smoke if I opened my mouth too soon. Her steps came to a stop a few feet in front of me, and I stood firm with my hands behind my back. I cleared my throat.

          "Is everything all right?"

          "Actually, I had a question about the situation with Charmaine yesterday."

          A lump formed in my throat. I hadn't alerted anyone when I had found that she had escaped from the bathroom. The only reason I did find her was because of the trail of blood from her fingers in the vent. Heat pulsed on my forehead and palms wondering what punishment I could receive from it. If she found out about that, could she know about my capsules?

          "What about it?" I questioned slowly.

          "You did not alert us when you found out that she had escaped from the bathroom," she hummed, crossing her arms across her chest as her bracelet swung on her wrist, the metal catching the light and blinding me as it swung.

          "I handled the situation, so I felt that I didn't need to alert anyone," I replied confidently. "But if I hadn't found her within a reasonable amount of time, I would've alerted you. I apologize."

          "Oh, I'm not mad about that! You handled it very well. I'm just frustrated that the bathroom issue did not get resolved. There's dried blood on the vent, which is very unprofessional. If you had alerted us, the bathroom would've been fixed and cleaned sooner," she purred, observing her nails. She looked back up at me, "the bathroom is all clean now, and the vent is secured, just so you know."

          I nodded and took a deep breath to apologize again. I began to walk away when she stopped me again, placing a hand on my arm. "One more thing. . . You've been seeing Doctor Gallagher? Have you told him anything about who she is?" She questioned quietly. The pressure of her hand on my arm grew stronger, and her gaze seemed to ignite. I thought of Charmaine and how I held her like this.