The Doe: A Marauders Generation Fanfic

Severus

I thought I'd seen the last of Sev's attempts at reconciliation. It's been weeks since he foolishly threatened to sleep out side of the Gryffindor dormitories. Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever have to speak to Sev again after I made my point that night. Unfortunately, I was so very wrong.

"Lily." Sev touches my shoulder and whispers.

"Careful, you don't want any dirty blood on your hands." I snap back at him, pulling myself away from his cold touch.

"Lily, just let me pa-" Sev begins to plead until I cut him off.

"No! I think I've made clear that I want nothing to do with you." I say without emotion.

"But if you would just let me hang around, you'd remember all the fun we have together! Just let me be with you." Sev begs.

"Never again, Sev. Actually, your presence these past few weeks has made me feel much worse." I retort.

"I never meant to call you a mudblood!" Sev yells.

"Oh, but you did! I've heard you use that word many times before to describe others of my blood. I'm no different from them in that aspect." I explain.

"No. You're different." Sev cries.

"Say what you'd say about another muggleborn. One that you don't know." I say.

"No, you know I-" Sev tries to explain himself before I cut him off once again.

"Say it." I hiss as I brandish my wand.

He looks down. "I can't. Not to you, Lily.

I lower my wand and scamper away, desperate to remove myself from the situation. Once I make it back to my room, I begin to sob. After awhile I reach for the potions knife on someone's bedside table. I make a single tiny cut on my arm, and soon. I hear Sev yelling outside for me to let him in. I step outside of the common room into a thankfully empty corridor. Sev's eyes widen, horrified. I hold up my arm, showing him the tad of blood.

"Is this blood contaminated, Sev? Is it even real blood? Maybe it's just mud. Just dirty water, unworthy of any higher being. Oh Sev, relish this moment. You've seen the unclean blood. Hold yourself high and mighty with your wizard heritage. Is this what you wanted to see?" I whisper softly.

"Lily, no. Don't-" Sev begins to attempt to comfort me when James runs down the corridor, noticing that something is wrong.

"Get away from her, Severus. Get as far away as you can, or I will end you." James threatens.

James leads me into our little corner and asks me what happened back there.

"He didn't hurt me. I did. I confronted him in the corridor about a half hour ago. Oh Merlin, I was so upset. I went to my room and did this to myself. I would've done more, too, but Sev was pounding on the walls. I went out to see him. I told him this is how contaminated blood looks." I say through trickles of tears.

James takes me into the bathroom, cleans off my arm and bandages it. I think he's going to leave me be, but he beckons me to go back to the corner with him.

"Lily, don't do this to yourself. Your blood is just as wizard as mine." James soothes. "I know you think I'm joking around with you, but I do think you are an absolutely magnificent person all around. Sure, you can be a bit uptight when it comes to pranks and the like. But people care about you. Do you know how many first and second year girls envy you? You're the most looked up to and respected girl in Gryffindor. It doesn't matter who you're parents are, where you're from, or how you got here. You are a powerful woman, Lils. Never forget that."

"Why? Why does any of it matter? I was his friend, and he threw it all away. How is it my fault?" I sob.

"It isn't. None of this is because of you. Nothing you are, nothing you've done." He assures me.

I sniffle. "Will you stay here with me for a bit?"

"Of course, Lils. I'll stay with you for as long as you need me to."

I didnt really expect him to stay for more than five minutes, maybe ten if he's stashed a book in here somewhere. After a good twenty minutes of stillness, I decide to break the silence.

"Why did you stay?" I inquire.

James looks surprised. "You asked me to, that's why I stayed."

"Everything is upside down. I thought you were a complete and utter slime ball, and I thought that Sev would never in a million years do anything to hurt me. The tables have turned."

"Well, the only thing you can really do about Severus is try to forget. Don't just forgive, though. You'll just get hurt again and again."

"I'm toying with an idea right now." I muse.

"Really?" James inquires.

"No, I'm just making stuff up for filler conversation." I reply.

"Alright smart arse, what's this idea you're concocting?" James inquires.

"Actually, it isn't really an idea. Just a thought..." I trail off.

"Well, what's the thought?" James presses.

I wait a moment before speaking, trying to find the correct words. "I'm wondering what people are going to say about this whole mess."

"Oh come on Lils, hardly anyone knows." James replies.

"If Severus decides to brag to his stupid little evil pig friends about causing me to have a slight mental breakdown they probably won't keep such juicy information to themselves." I explain.

"Lily, he wouldn't do that." James says.

"And why the bloody hell not? He's done much worse in the past month." I retort.

"He didn't want this to happen. Sure, he's a git for sticking to his muggle hating principles, but trust me, he would've held out much longer if the incident never happened." James responds.

I realize that he's right. Suddenly, without any good reason, I feel a bit bad for Sev. Not because I'm cutting ties with him, not because of his choices, but because of unfortunate circumstances.