Learning How to Live Life

Chapter 4

My whole life I've been trying to be a better person. Not better a better person than someone but better than I was yesterday. I want to be different and make I change in my life but I always end up failing . I try to think positive and end up thinking the worst. I ways find something negative in things. I have many issues and those issues are the things the hold me back from being the person I want to be.

One of my biggest issues is loving myself. Accepting and loving who I am. When it comes to that, I think the worst. I'm ugly, I'm fat etcetera. When people say that I am beautiful, I say thanks but I'm not and end up arguing. I'm not that type of girl who even though she is perfect in every single way, thinks she's ugly. I know I'm not perfect, no one is but I find it hard to see the beauty in me.

I compare myself to others and that breaks me apart. I know it's not right but I still do it. People tell me not to do that but I don't listen to them and I still do it. Why? I don't know.

    Little things that I've learned from that is that as long as you keep comparing yourself to others, you won't be happy. Be yourself as much as possible. Learn how to love your imperfections and don't compare your beauty to others. Either you say you're prettier than or less than, it's not okay. Everybody is beautiful in their own unique way. Just like flowers. All flowers are beautiful in their own way. It'll take a while to accept yourself trust me, but at the end it's all worth it.

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    I'm not an adult yet and all I can say is I've already experienced some things that it could take a while to experienced. It doesn't really matter how old you are, you can go through tough things.

    I've experienced the feel of being separated away from your family. Being bullied by your own family. Being bullied probably the first day I was born; not exactly but almost. I've experienced thinking that you might not see your family ever again.

    The weird thing is that I've never experienced natural problems. Those are earthquakes, tornadoes, big storms, etcetera and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. People say that California is going to go under water. That scares the life out of me. The thought of going through a huge earthquake and a tsunami scares me so much, but you know what, if it's my destiny to die young, then so be it. If God wants me to be with him, than so be it.

    You can't really escape death. If it's written in the book that you'll die at age twenty, than you'll die at age twenty. Death is just something that is supposed to happen in life. Am I scare of dying? Yes, I am and I think everyone is. You can say you are not scare, but deep down you know you are.

    Let's talk about fears. What is your main fear? What is the number one thing you are afraid of? Mine is dying and going to hell. Yeah you all might think that's stupid but if you're a Christian you'll know that that thought is terrifying. Why am I scare of going to hell? That's easy to answer, because if you go there, you stay there forever. There's not 'till you die, there's a forever. You cannot die there because you are already dead. That's my main fear.

    Now, let's talk about dreams. What is your main dream? Of course some of you might already know mine. Mine is going to heaven. The dream of meeting God and being with him an eternity. Of course not all Christians are going to think that way because everyone is different. Everyone has their own dreams and fears.

    All my life I've been afraid of so many things. I am afraid of being the center of attention. I'm afraid of being laughed at. I'm afraid of little things that might not even matter to most people. What are the little things you are afraid?

    My father has been teaching me not to be afraid of anything. I tell him that that is impossible because you can't not be afraid. Everyone is afraid of something. It can be little or it can be big. It's just you can't get rid of fear. Fear is with you twenty-four seven. The lesson today is, don't be afraid to be afraid.

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Hello my people! Thank you for reading! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!

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Xoxo- Bizzleflyy