The Voice

Chapter 22

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Justin's POV

"I took drugs.".

Ariana looked at me in disbelief and I could see shock and disappointment on her.

I admitted "Drugs made me relax a lot and forgot about those pains and pressure acted on me, I just felt like paralyzed when I took a sniff of those stuff.

That time, I was still dating Selena and she felt very disappointed on me and she couldn't stand me anymore for going back home every day with bottles or drugs in my hands so she decided to call it quit.

It broke my heart, I literally lived in pain every day, I even had the kind of thoughts of committed suicide, but luckily I didn't.

After that break up, I tried to get her back and win her back. I even wrote the whole album of The Journals about my confessions to her but I failed. She rejected me by not answering my phone and she just completely ignored me like I am a stranger to her.

She just wanted me to return to who I really am instead of being a drug taker.

After being snubbed by her, I turned into an even worse person, I took even more drugs and drank even more to numb myself every day.

After about a year later, I was totally turned into an another person, I felt myself so weak and numb. I used to think that the rest of my life will be accompanied with drugs and those bottles.

The first moment of me taking those drugs and alcohol was to relax myself from the pressure but the second time I did it was because of Selena break up. I was heartbreaking that time and I really wanted to numb myself to avoid the pain every day.

Slowly, it turned into an addiction. I was addicted to those disgusting things. Selena isn't my main reason for taking those things anymore, every day I woke up, I wasn't thinking about Selena anymore but the drugs and alcohol.

Therefore, I thought I had already moved on from Selena. When I saw her on papers or any headline of her romance rumors, I still got a little bit jealous but I tried to hide my feeling and escaped my feeling. Since that day, I tried to avoid everything that related to Selena.

Slowly, I thought that I had moved on from her. I felt so happy and proud because I had managed to erase her from my diary.

However, I was wrong. My fans, my Beliebers, I've let them down. Tweets about me everywhere on Twitter at that moment. They were so disappointed on me, and some of them even chose to unstan me, that really broke my heart.

Some tweets really hurt me. I knew I'd let them down. I understand why would they feel embarrass for stanning a drug taker, I don't blame them because I made a huge mistake.

My mom had the same feeling on me as well, since I took drugs and drank those alcohol stuffs, we literally had fights every day for at least 2 months.

She tried everything to stop me for doing those things but she failed. I was too stubborn as I was too addicted to those stuff and this fight kept ongoing for months.

Two months for not talking to each other, that's really suffocating. I knew sometimes she's annoying, she couldn't stop murmuring the same thing to me every day but she's my mom, I can't hate her. It really hurts me when she didn't give a fuck about me at all for at least two months.