I'm sorry that I love you...

chapter 1

I jolted upright, awaken by the the rough swaying of my mothers hand.

"Alexis, wake up now" she yelled.

I had totally forgotten that today was the first day of 8th grade and I couldn't be more unprepared but I got up. See the one thing I actually realized about myself is that I do good in school and I'm actually interested in some of the stuff but I honestly go to school just to see my friends. In this case I couldn't wait to see two people, Kevin and Lauren. I considered both of them close friends but they were polar opposites. Kevin was funny, playful, smart, outgoing, and undeniably cute. He loved soccer, actually the first time we talked was because he hit me in the face with a soccerball, accidentally, at the afterschool program. Hanging out with him is always full of suprises but we're really close and he is just one of those friends that you need in your life.  Lauren on the other hand, the one word that could completely sum her up is mysterious. She loves the color black, some of her favorite bands are pierce the veil, sleeping with sirens, and x ambassadors. Actually "our" song is "Renegades" by x ambassadors.  Anyway me and her we got close during 7th grade which was around the time I started closing people out of my life... By the time I fully woke up and put on clothes it was 6:43. I had actually put effort in my outfit today but it didn't quite flow, well not with the magnet shirt. I wore the grey one today with my all black converse and blue jeans, topping it  off with my yin and yang choker and my chain link earrings. I grabbed my bag and headed down the long cement stairs. At the time I promised Myself that when I got back home I would look into one of those motorized chairs that take old people down there steps cause I didn't plan on making the walk every single day. When I got to the bus stop it was 7:00 on the dot which meant I was actually on time, that was a first. It was the first day of school so everyone from everywhere was standing with there parents waiting for there bus to come. Mine pulled up a few minutes later, and as I watched the dazed and confused magnet shirt crew walk towards it I didn't recognize anyone which meant riding the bus was not gonna be fun this year, so woohoo for me. As I walked nervously through the narrow isle of the bus I spotted one familiar face, it was Cassandra, Cassie for short. We had known each other since 3rd grade, which was my first year at public school. Anyway I saw an empty seat on the left hand side of the bus straight across from her and grabbed it. It felt good to sit down and be out of the confusion. As our bus driver Ms. Z pulled off from the stop the negative thoughts started to crowd my head. What if I got there and all of my actual friends didn't wanna talk to me anymore? what if the classes were too hard? but then I thought about Lauren and everything was okay. I felt better as I thought of other things but I still had a massive headache. So I reached in my bag and pulled out my naproxen prescription. It said to only take one but my anxiety was bad at the moment so I popped three in my mouth and swallowed. We arrived at school at 7:30 which was the designated time for the school gates to open. I waited till everybody else got off the bus and then made my way towards the front. As I stepped off I put one more encouraging thought in my head.

"Everything will be fine" I told myself, "no matter what you got this."