I'm sorry that I love you...

chapter 3

I had been totally waiting for her until I saw Kevin, then she kinda just slipped away from my memories grasp. She looked familiar but also totally different. Her hair had been chopped off at the ends a bit more giving it that emo flair that she desperately desired. Her eyes just shined with its brown tinge and the sparkling reflection of the sun. She had that palish tint to her skin which made her walk the line between white girl and Edward Cullen. We always joked about her being an undercover vampire here to suck our blood, and kill our dreams. Her body was amazing she was thick and her imperfections made her perfect to me. The softness of her skin and the way her body curved up to the right point I just wanted to.....

Wait what the f*ck is going on with me. Were bestfriends and more importantly shes a girl I could never.... or could I? At that moment I was glad Kevin was next to me because before I could go on with my weird thoughts anymore She hit my arm snapping me out of my daze.

"Alexis what are you staring at"

"Oh umm nothing... I just thought .. like idk " I rambled on trying to find the right words.

"okay..." he responded still trying to process my awkwardness, "well Lauren just walked in with her sister Leslie".

" I know... I mean um okay cool lets go walk over there".

He looked at me strangely like he was piecing my sudden faze of awkwardness together. Kevin could tell when something was up so I knew he was probably thinking that I was already focused on Lauren. He didn't really like it when I brought her up everytime he and I were playing around or talking about stuff in afterschool. I actually like Kevin he's cute and an amazing friend, but I swear he likes anything that breathes, his crush changes like every week and if I ever was one of those crushes that phase was long over.  When we get up to Lauren and her sister, I could feel myself tense up. I look straight at her face and see that she is wearing a lip piercing. Pretty sure its fake but still it looked hot on her. Those lips they were so full and pink and I would love to just brush up against ....

Omg what is with all my f*cked up thoughts..

"get it together Alexis"

She went on to introduce us to her sister. I had never seen her before, but in 7th grade Lauren always mentioned the fact that her "little" sister would be joining us next year as she started 6th grade.

I was tuned out on the whole convo until I heard the words "I have a boyfriend now ". I knew it was Lauren because her voice was so maniacal. I looked up to find Kevin awkwardly staring at me like he was waiting for a reaction that would confirm how I felt about her.  There was nothing to confirm because honestly I didn't know how I felt. I mean we were close we had a connection and she was somewhat there for me but I couldn't actually like her in that way.... well I did have those dreams of me her starting on my couch watching movies ending with her in my bed half clothed... but I knew I was a f*cked up kid so I didn't pay attention to it. What would kevin think if he knew....

wait Kevin... he was still staring at me so maybe I missed something

"um what did you say"

Lauren annoyingly answer with, "I said I have a boyfriend now."

"When was that mistake made" I mumbled

'What was that"

"I said when did you start going out"

"Three weeks ago"

I didn't know what to say after that so I went with a basic question.. "Whats his name"

"Damien" she responded

"Okay cool so where is he I wanna see him"

As soon as I said that she blushed or maybe got embarrassed I really couldn't tell and I didn't care she had a boyfriend already like wow, and I was just hearing about it which made me mad because it happened three weeks ago.

she started off again, "well um like..." she rambled on "he doesn't live here he is 17 and lives in London, we met on kik and then like two weeks ago he came out here to see me but he went back on Saturday."

Before I could respond the bell rung so she just walked off with her sister trying everything to get away from me but it didn't matter we had our first class together.  Kevin just looked at me and I shrugged giving him the Idk response. School had barely begun and I already wanted to go home, cry, and slice myself up.... A boyfriend she had a boyfriend, but I don't blame her anything international is better than a little screwed up girl.