I'm sorry that I love you...

chapter 5

After second period P.E the rest of the day went by quick, fast, and in a hurry. I was ready to go to 6th period because our teacher Ms. Whitesides was my elective teacher last year. I was calm until I realized that the only other open seat was next to Lauren. While I was hesitantly walking towards the seat the bell rung so I just went and sat quickly. Ms. Whitesides did the same exact thing every other teacher did she went over classroom conduct. I swear I was about to fall asleep but then someone started talking and I'm pretty sure it was to me.

"so...." Lauren started, "hows life  "

"It sucks which is usual so I guess its okay" I responded but then I went on to say "So about this Damien I want details."

"Well he is gorgeous he has the normal jet black emo cut, and snake bites with his rotating pair of gauges in his ear. I mean I love him I do and hes just so adorable."

"how do you love someone if you barely know them"

"idk all I know is that he has my heart okay ."

I could tell she was getting frustrated so I just turned away. Like ten minutes later the bell rung so I put on my jacket, grabbed my bag, and walked out the door. How could I be stupid enough to ask her that question I mean, if she loves him then that's her its not like shell ever love me...

Ugh where did that come from, I don't want to be loved by a girl well I mean I would love to have her soft, shapen body in my embrace but still its wrong. Its disgusting and sick, and cant be normal but really I wonder if she feels the same. I get up stairs for the last five minutes of class and go and sit in the corner by the teachers desk. When the bell rings Mellie comes over to help me up and we start walking. When we get down the stairs were joined by Blake, also known as Mr.  fiddlepot lol, its a stupid joke but it still makes me laugh. Kevin is walking over from the P.E field and Ik he is heading for after school so I jog towards him.

"Hey you okay" he aks.

"Yeah I'm good I just wanna go home" I reply.

"Well we have afterschool so suck it up and walk with me to go sign in"

I forgot to tell him earlier but I went on and said it then,... "um... actually I'm starting tomorrow I'm taking the bus home today. so we'll talk tomorrow okay bae." There goes that name again again but he still doesn't seem bothered.

"okay" he responds.

As soon as he answered I walked away feeling as guilty as ever. I knew he was probably disappointed or mad that I was staying with him but I couldn't think about it right now I had other stuff to worry about. The ride home seemed pretty fast and as soon as I got off the bus I saw my moms car and walked towards it. She asked how school was and I told her the usual fake answer it was good. Nothing is ever good for me which she should get by now but she took the fake ass answer and drove off. After walking up the stairs I went straight to my bed and plopped down on it. I took out my phone and turned on "Renegades" by "x Ambassadors". I shouldn't have done that because the thoughts of her flooded my mind once again. The number one thought on replay in my mind was she actually f*cking loved that dude. I knew that any normal person would be jealous because because she found a cute guy, but I was angry at the fact that it was him that she loved not me. At that moment I accepted it, I accepted the fact that I liked pretty much loved a girl, it was sick, disgusting, unchristian like , but the only thing I could think about at that moment was her touch. I looked at the clock and it was 10:38 P.M, and as I had "our" song on replay I drifted of to sleep which was once again another mistake because I started to dream about her.