Is it the feeling of utter hopelessness that makes me rethink everything, the doors that have opened, escaping the only thing that kept me sane, limbo. What now, now that it's all over. the door at the end of the long dark hallway, leads to nothing I want, and I am swallowed whole by the darkness i call, life.
~
"Get ready we're leaving soon"
" leaving?" I question, removing my earphones from my ears,
She sighs standing at my doorstep, waiting for me to remember whatever it is she's referring to, I don't budge,
" it's your sisters game tonight, remember? "
I do now,
" I am not going to that " I say putting back my earphones and raising the solid vocals of Kurt Cobain that fill my ears with serenity,
" ugh, yeah you are " she replies in annoyance while closing my door,
" just get ready, " she adds calmly, one last time before closing the door.
~
I don't know what annoys me most, the loud cheers the opposing teams fans make as their team scores a goal or my mom who won't stop gushing over my sister,
"you see her go, oh she's so good."
or
" put your music away and pay attention to your sister for once."
I couldn't take another minute of the smell of corn dogs and dew,
" I am going to go to the bathroom "
I say since it's the first thing that came to mind, getting up from seat, my mother replies with a skeptical look and nods,
" don't take to long "
she says without averting her eyes off the field. I make my way down the bleachers without replying.
~
" Not a fan of sports? " I turn around to find the source of the voice,
" what? " I say stunned to the boy who appeared out of no where,
" well you've been staring at that bulletin for over 20 minutes, the game started,"
"no yeah I wasjust there, I- um, who are you? "
the boy stands there and doesn't answer, he simply pulls out a cigaret out of his pocket and lights it, then he presses it between his lips, and blows out a cloud of nicotine.
" Nathan, "
" no, what I meant to ask is do you work here or something? "
" Do I look like I work here?" He says his brows furrowing,
" I am just messing with you, no, I don't work here " he says taking in my confused expression,
" I am waiting for a friend, or i was, " frowning at his last three words.
He draws another cigarette from his pack and notions for me to take it, and without thinking it over, I do, but I in doubt don't intend on smoking it. I stick it in my front pocket before he can offer to lit it for me,
" this may be off topic but would it be alright if I used your phone to make a quick phone call? " he asks, I hesitate as all possible outcomes of doing this comes to play, for one, he can run off with it,
" it's an emergency," he add, sensing my hesitation.
" okay, make it quick " I say unsure, while handing him my phone
He dials a number and presses the phone to his ear and hangs up on the first ring,
" thanks " he says while handing it back to me,
" how old are you anyway, " he asks looking me up and down from my short wavy hair to my black combat boots,
" 15. " I say unsure as to why he's making it his business.
" I am 17, "
we stand in frozen silence before my phone buzzes and with no doubt it's my mother calling, I hit the ignore button,
" you aren't going to take that? " he asks drawing in another inhale from his cigarette, I don't know why I feel the need to answer his questions, truefully at that. But I do,
" ugh no, but I should go, I take the cigarette out from my pocket and salute at him, both thanking him for the cigarette and saying farewell, he doesn't answer for what seems to be a while, but evidently he nods,
" ciao, "
~
And I am back out in the vigorous surrounding of chanting fans as my sisters team scores a goal.
