Painting Wolves

Chapter 3

     "Yes, I'm sure Mam," I said for the fifth time today. "You know you can't leave now. Not with your show coming up. And I need a break anyway; it'll be good for me."

     Mam frowned, her eyes getting more squinty than they normally were. She would have looked mean had it not been for the clear look of worry in her eye. "Are you sure, Anne? You've never really been by yourself before. Will you remember to eat? To wash your clothes when they start to smell? To go throw out the old turpentine? I know how sensitive you can be to the fumes."

     I stopped folding my t-shirt and let it all into the suitcase. "Mam. I'll be fine. Stop worrying." The suitcase was closed and placed with the others. Boxes of everything I considered important sat next to them, stacked neatly with each one at a forty-five degree angle to the one below it.

     Considering that I may or may not come back, there was remarkably little. Most of my art supplies could stay at Mam's studio until I decided what to do. The suitcases that held my clothes were packed full of undies, maxi skirts, shorts, jeans, and t-shirts. I didn't have any clothes other than those that I used with any regularity. If I needed a dress for something, I figured I could just buy one.

     All in all, there was very little that I was attached to and was averse to leaving behind- possibly forever. Mam fiddled with the bouquet Daniel had brought me to celebrate my moving away. He was certain that I would end up leaving NYC for good. In fact, he was so sure that he had already notified his brother that I'd be moving down there and that Daniel expected him to take me under his wing so to speak.

     "Are you sure-" she began.

     "Yes, Mam, I'm sure." I rubbed my forehead tiredly. "Mam, it's just Tennessee, not Italy. It's not like I'm taking a plane to Ireland and forbidding you from ever coming visit. You can come to visit. In fact, I'm pretty sure you will come to visit whether I say you can or not. No offense intended, but I am really not looking forward to this and you are not helping. I have to go organize a funeral," I paused, took a deep breath, and avoided thinking about whose funeral it was, "and do it by myself. For the love of the gods, please just leave."

     Mam gave me a hurt look. "Really Anne, don't be snappy. You know I'd take care of the arrangements if I could, but I have the show coming up. Besides, you were never as close to your sister as I was. I can't... I can't bury someone else I love."

     I felt an icy dagger pierce my chest at her selfish words.

     I wasn't as close to her as Mam had been? Sure that may have been true, but I tried the hardest I could to stay in touch with Genny. Heck, I even wrote a special computer program that would not allow me to do anything on my computers until I had seen whatever message or video she had sent me.

     Of course I could get around it if I needed to. Maybe I had done that too much. Had I ignored her? Had she felt neglected, being so far from her family? Was there something I should have done? 

     Had I failed her as a sister and somehow caused her death?

     These questions spun around in my head, and Mam took my silence for an affirmation that she was right. 

     "I'll leave now," she said brightly, her smile as plastic as a Barbie's. Her eyes didn't even focus on me as she gave me one quick squeeze of a hug and turned to walk out the door. I watched the door close behind her.

     She had taken Genny's death badly. I had recommended that she give the psychiatrist I occasionally saw a visit, but I didn't know if she would actually do so. I worried about her, but Genny's funeral had to be taken care of. I had to take care of her. She is... or rather, she was my sister, and I owe her a lot.