In 31 Days

Day 4: Include

Morning breakfast was silent as usual, but the bus ride definitely was not. I was starting to believe that today would be a great day when I heard her.

"Did you hear that Ashley's Alex's new whore of the week?"

My blood went cold. And Alex went still.

"Why does he even talk to her? I bet she's sending him nudes."

"With that chest? Bitch please," she giggled with mirth.

I turned to Alex, appalled, waiting for him to make a move, or say something. To fight back.

But he doesn't.

He ignores my disgruntled expression and looks out the foggy window with a blank expression.

I get it now; he cares about his status more than he does for me. Just a naïve girl, with apparently no chest.

Well, that, I think I can live with. They move onto a new girl every week, I decide, so I'll be fine.

In Spanish class, my teacher calls us up one by one to give us our grades. While I wait, people are whispering in anticipation because the other class reported that everyone failed the test.

I go directly before Alex, so I know he's watching me shake as I make my way to our teacher. I walk to her and immediately know something has gone amiss. Her eyes cloud with disappointment.

"41%."

The ship of my heart lurches back and forth like the Titanic, completely unaware of its impending doom. Fate strike and the ship sinks. She looks like she's about to say something else but decides against it and calls Alex.

I numbly make my way to my seat. This cannot be happening right now. What will this do to my grade? Will it bring it down to a B? C? D? No, I decide, I won't even go there. The quarter ends in two weeks. I blink back tears and hide my eyes with my hair.

Finally having the courage to peek at the rest of the class, I glance up from my dismantled thoughts to find Alex swaggering back to his seat, looking slightly crestfallen but determined not to show it. He doesn't look like he failed.

He looks at me for a second and his eyes widen when they see tear droplets. I turn away because I don't want him to see me so vulnerable. By the time I turn back, he's already left his seat.

It's impossible to get achieve anything worth my pride in that class now. Impossible. Alex ignored me throughout the whole bus ride again, but for once, I'm actually grateful.

I'm just so done with everything.

I sigh. There's only one thing that I look forward to doing tonight.

One thing, two words: the roof.

When I was younger, my parents used to fight a lot. Sometimes, I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, so I went to the roof. There was a little latch on the lot that led to a staircase, which finally led to the roof. My parents vaguely know about it, I mean, when we were about to buy the house, the agent made a huge showing of it, deeming it "the rooftop wonders, where you're finally above all your stress, above all your doubts, above all your imperfections."

Half the things he said were flimsy and fake, but I'm glad he spoke at least a sentence of truth that day.

I would lay there, completely immobile, and gaze at the midnight sky. During the summer, there would always be a faint breeze and a slight bend of the swaying green trees. It was truly, truly peaceful. I used to be afraid of robbers that would find me in the death of night, but I realized that my location meant they'd never spot me. A little jump, and I would land on the balcony and a swing from there, the ground. It was my safe spot, my relief. Now, I needed it.