Dear Somebody, (A Book Of Open Letters)

To The Boy I Secretly Like...

Hi.

I sure wish I can say that one word to you in real life, instead of freezing like a toadstool whenever you're near.

So maybe it's not entirely your fault if you don't notice me, because I myself is making it possible for me to be invisible to you.

It's not like I'm not trying, okay?

You don't know how many times I make up conversations of you and me inside my head, how I plan my lines to you if I did get a chance to talk to you.

But no matter what I do, the end is always predictable.

I end up getting lost at your beautiful eyes and hypnotizing smile, making me tongue-tied and stare at you stupidly like you're some kind of beautiful painting done by the greatest of painters.

Oh wait, you ARE like that. A beautiful creature, given ridiculously good looks and natural talents by God Almighty himself.

While there's plain, simple, average me. An invisible girl, a girl who never felt what it's like to be pretty, because when God distributed beauty to the girls in the world, I must have been sleeping.

No wonder you never get to notice me.

Me and my silly feelings for you.

My friends may laugh at me for liking you, saying that you're just another pretty face, and what the heck did I see in you that the other boys don't have.

And I always try to explain to them, but always failing to make them understand just how and why just seeing you, or feeling your presence in the same room, makes my heart skip a beat. And then it will go crazy, beating so hard it makes me conscious because others might hear it too.

And it's not just because you are handsome, talented, intelligent, kind, gentleman, friendly, or whatever.

In fact, you might not appear handsome or cute to other people, but what do they care?

You are my kind of handsome, my type of cute, and they don't have to agree. I don't care.

Seeing you smile makes me happy, even if all I can have is a glimpse from a distance.

Because I'm too damn shy and afraid.

Shy because who am I, to go up to you and act all casual, and pretend as if you're not the reason why I can't sleep early at night?
I'm just a girl who has a huge, ridiculous, secret crush on you. Stealing glances at you and shamelessly looking somewhere else whenever I get caught is the probably the bravest thing I have done when it comes to you.

And afraid, because my feelings are meant for me to keep, unless there is a 100% chance that you feel the same way for me.

If that's not the case, why bother you with a helpless confession, right? You'll just be burdened with the task of rejecting me nicely, making sure that you won't make me cry.

But if you do reject me, I have every reason to cry right? Because I will be broken.

No, I don't even think that's the right word.

Shattered. I will be shattered. My heart and all of me will be shattered. Like a glass. If I got rejected, or ignored, by the one person I find so amazing. By the one I so adore.

But it's not your duty to like me back, I know that. I perfectly understand.

That's why it's so much safer for my heart and well-being to keep my feelings a secret, to keep it under lock and key, so that I won't have any chance of being broken. Or shattered.

So for now, just ignore me even if you're too conscious of my admiring eye, please. Seeing you gives me pleasure and happiness. Please don't take that away. Just ignore me, even if you think I'm a bit creepy, or distracting. Remember that you're making someone happy, without even trying. And that's a good deed.

Oh and if you're having a good day, why not give me smile, or a wave, or a Hi, or, all three? I might not be able to respond, (thanks to my hysteric heart that made my mind go blank) but I assure you, that will make me happy like no other.

Believe me.

But don't overdo it, ok? I might just fall for you, and that will be harder to hide.

Just a smile? Ok, I'll settle for that.

For your smile, is the best view for me.

☺

xoxo

Sincerely,
The Girl Who Secretly Likes You