Dear Grace

4

Dear Grace,

31st December, 2015

I care for you a lot. I really do. I'm just such a bad friend.

My therapist told me that I showed signs of AVPD, or avoidant personality disorder. She couldn't truly diagnose me, because I'm still a teenager and she wanted to wait until I was a young adult, like 20. I haven't seen her in months. I kind of miss her.

I went to bed sweaty again because I was exercising but this time until 3 AM. I woke up at noon. My legs hurt.

I'm hungry. I haven't eaten in a while. But that's okay, my friends help me through the tough times and whenever I feel hungry, they help me not eat. It's all good.

I stopped going on tumblr because it made me feel bad about myself. But my friends and I all traded snapchats and instagrams so I have a lot of other things to do. We chat a lot and give each other tips to help with our hunger. I told them I use a timer when I fast, and they started using one too.

They talk to me and I want to talk to them and it's no big deal if I don't reply because one lives in Belgium, one in Hamburg, one in Ireland, two in New Zealand, one in Dubai, one in Montana, and so many others I can't remember. None of them near me. They understand if I don't reply, they just make sure I'm okay. I really love those girls.

I'm getting really sad again and having to read that chapter for history isn't helping at all.

If we don't talk again remember I loved you.