A Year and 365 Days

Chapter 22

I pull the wooden chest of drawers open, trying to search for something cool to wear during the hot day. My hands move garments to the side, brushing past soft material, finally finding a thin plain white tank. Taking it out of the drawer and unfolding it, I placed it on the bed before shoving the drawers back in. The window shutters are closed to prevent heat from coming in while Amber still sits on her windowsill.

I slip my t shirt off of my thin body, taking note of the dry heat in the room. Slipping the white tank top over my head and slipping my hands through the arm holes I look down at myself. I take notice to the sweats that are hanging off of me, only being stuck to my hips by the pulled drawstring. Walking into the bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror, just staring at myself, at my eyes, trying to find a connection that hasn't been cut off yet.

My timeless existence of being held hostage here only led to engagement of my mind into separating itself from my soul. I had been enduring all of the worst possible things that I used to fight justice for back in New York. Right now, I didn't focus on how I would get justice, I only could focus on the pain. My mental state was the only way to keep my sanity.

At times, tears of hopelessness and read escaped and would drown my own doubts of not being able to be free one day. Some nights, a few girls and I were walking to the town to pick up men who called in at the bars. Occasionally, we'd see a cop or two. I was tempted to cry out for help but the fear of jeopardizing the other girl's lives around me prevented me.

My eyes scan my face in the reflection. My bone structure has thinned out where you're able to see my sunken face, making my cheekbones noticeable. The thoughts in my head wander aimlessly.

Don't get any closer, I don't want to hurt you, my mind says.

I'm afraid to touch the reality of what's left of Olivia Benson.

Can you see them, can you see them looking right back at you?
Can you see the darkness in me, I want them out of me, I want to rip them out of this corrupted soul, they're clinging to me, holding on so tight that I can't breathe.

There's a knock on the door in the background.

I'm drowning inside, you feel so far away, I feel like nothing can reach me, I'm lost, I'm weak, and I can't take this any longer.

How am I supposed to live with this pain inside me?
There is nowhere to hide, we can never escape them.

You better run before they find you, they are burned into what is left of my soul. They're a part of me.
There's no hope anymore, I'm too far gone, I'm buried deep inside this pain, lost and undone.
What's done is done.
My kingdom has come and his will is done, I am now beyond heaven and earth. There is no deliverance from this evil.

Another knock on the door.

Why are you still here, save yourself, I'm not strong enough, and you can't stop them from hurting me.
You can never take them from me.

"Olivia!" Amber says

I snap out of minds words. Quickly washing my face with water and drying my face, I open the door to the bathroom. Amber stands in front of the door with a worried look in her eyes.

"Hey it's uh.." She hesitates by the sight in front if her eyes

I pull myself together and look at the mirror and then back at Amber

"-time"

Squad
"This is the terminal for the Ancona-Zara ferry, correct?"

"Yes, it makes its way to the the Zadar port of Croatia if you take the ferry." The desk manager says, responding to Martindale's question

Half a month had passed looking around train stations in Italy while alerting the public, including alerting the police for any sightings of the missing detective. The embassy had helped word get out when they had finally gotten a sighting from a man who had actually talked to Olivia. Amaro and Rollins were able to talk to the man, who spoke English fluently besides his native language, which was Italian. The man had been on a business trip and planned on taking the Ancona-Trieste ferry, which went to the northeastern part of Italy. He had told the detectives that he had taken a seat next to Olivia, and commented that she was very beautiful.

Amaro and Rollins were given notes that Olivia had been wearing the green dress and heels she had left the hotel with. Eventually, he told the detectives that she had gotten up with two other men when called over the intercom. The names were revealed as Damien Arsov and Alex Gurevich, thus confirming they were traveling together with Olivia.

The squad backed off from the manager's desk and gathered privately near the officials cars. Henslee begins to speak.

"As you're all making your way out of Italy and making your way into Croatia, we can no longer help you, however, our other U.S. Embassy is located in Zagreb, which is three hours away from the port. There are arrangements once you get there. Good luck with your investigation."

"Thank you, for everything." Cragen says with sympathetic eyes

The entire squad waves off to the consulars and officials, as well as Henslee. They are on the Ancona-Zara ferry within the hour. The squad stepped onto the ferry and decided to stay out on the deck that provided passengers with outdoor seating. Munch, Cap, and Martindale sat on one side of the rectangular table, while the other side sat Fin, Amaro, and Rollins.

"So how long is this gonna take?" Fin asked impatiently

"It's takes six hours to cross the Adriatic Sea ya know" Munch says blurting in with his smartass kind of tone

4 1/2 hours into crossing
"All these months, we have no idea where Olivia is or what she's doing." Amaro says quietly with his head in his hands

He's leaning over the table with Cap, Rollins, and Martindale. Fin and Munch had dozed off on the sun deck in chairs.

"What if she's being forced to do things-"

"Nick, you gotta stop thinking like that." Captain interrupts

"I mean, look at the evidence, the dress, the footage, Alex touching her in the hallway-"

"Nick, just we will see when we find her." Cap says trying to stop Nick from creating the image in his mind

Nick gets up and walks off. Rollins makes eye contact with Cap. Martindale gets up and follows behind Nick. They have the same thoughts, just knowing he needs to let off steam. Rollins looks down and takes a deep breath. She looks back up at Captain.

They look back out in the sea, waiting to get onto land and to continue there search.

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