send.

snap

You still haven't quite finished shaking, but you've started right back up again as you watch Jon advance on Cass, the girl pressing herself up against the wall. You've never seen him so angry...
It both scares and intrigues you.
"Don't give me the 'help' bullshit, Cass, because we both know damn well that isn't how you reach out to 'help' someone!" He's giving her space, not pushing too close to her, but you can tell he's giving it all he has to restrain himself. You can see his whole body trembling, just like yours, but his is from a different source. Fury. Frustration.
"If you would just let me explain-"
"Explain what? I dont care what you're trying to explain. Nothing is going to pull me away from him, okay?"
Your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach at the confirmation. Jon doesn't look at you, too deep in his haze, but you know you're the only one he can be talking about. Cass must have said something about you, about your nightmares-
"He's fucking crazy, Jon!" Your jaw drops as she finally explodes, pushing off the wall and getting close to Jon's face. It's his turn to step back as she waves her hands wildly, screeching. "He's obsessed with you and he hates anyone who tries to get close to you. He has random nightmares about something so horrific and constant that you know it by heart but won't dare tell me! Don't you see that this guy is dangerous?!"
You didn't even notice April's hand leaving your arm until you see her grab Cass by the arm, sliding between her and Jonathan, shaking her head wildly.
     "Cass, baby," she coos, though her panic seeps through, "you need to calm down. You're not thinking rationally right now." Her eyes flutter to you, and the pity that instantly fills them makes you feel sick. "He isn't dangerous, he's just-"
     "Batshit crazy? A threat to Jonathan's wellbeing?" Cass prods onward, glancing briefly at you before locking her eyes on Jonathan, tilting her head. "Sorry for watching out for you, dickhead!"
     "You're not 'watching out', you're spouting nonsense like some bullshit fountain, and the most hilarious part is that you actually expect me to listen!" Jon opens his mouth to continue but, as his eyes fall on you, the words leave his mouth in a small, single exhale. You look at him for a moment, feeling a slosh of anger, hurt, and exhaustion brewing in the pit of your stomach. He seems to deflate a bit, and you see his lip catch between his teeth before he looks back to Cass. His voice is shaky.
     "Don't call me again. Don't text me. Don't talk to Sock. Don't look for us. And don't you ever let any of those fucking lies about my boyfriend leave your mouth again." He keeps his gaze on her for a moment, unwavering and cold, before turning away and shuffling towards you. You feel like you're stuck in slow motion as he moves to grab your hand, helping you gently to your feet. His hands tremble as they smooth over your hair reassuringly, ignoring Cass's mumbling. You can't quite make it out until you're closer, Jonathan's hand in yours, guiding you to the door.
     "... crazy, absolutely batshit," she hisses through her teeth, "psychopathic, that one. He's a threat, a nasty fucking threat and he knows it..." Jonathan shoots her another glare before pushing you through the door and following suit, slamming it shut behind you.
     The sound makes you flinch, and before you know it, the tears are streaming down your face.
     "Oh, no, doll, no..." Jon's voice is soft as he takes your face in his hands. You feel his fingers trembling against your cheeks and you know he must've been mad, really mad. You try to turn your face away as you struggle to catch your breath, swiping at your eyes with the back of your hand, but he takes you by the wrist and pulls you into himself, wrapping his arms tightly around you.
     Your face presses into his shirt, and he smells like comfort and care and home in a way you've never known and you're such a fucking mess but he's so lovely and your resolve breaks so you squeeze your arms around him and cry even harder, praying the girls can't hear you through the door.
      "I-I'm-" you try to start, hiccuping on your words, "sorry, I d-didn't mean it, I don't, I-I'm not..." Your struggle to find the proper words frustrates you even further and you trail off into pitiful sobs against his shirt.
     You didn't ask to be like this. You didn't ask for the nightmares, for the terror whenever you get close to someone, for the constant anxiety that you would bring an end to the one you loved more than anything in the world. You didn't ask to be 'batshit'. You want to be normal.
     But life has a funny track record for not giving you the things you want.
     "Sock..." Jon's voice is gentle, softer than you've ever heard it, you think. You feel one of his arms release and you hold him tighter, afraid of him leaving you before his hand slides under your chin. It tilts your face up, forcing you to look at him. You've never seen his expression so bare, so raw. There's a mixture of pain, concern, and underlying anger on his face, though that last one is slight. When you meet his eyes, he seems to soften even more.
     You hate seeing him look so sad.
     You open your mouth to apologize again but he softly shakes his head, pressing his thumb to your lips. You stay silent, feeling the warmth of tears track down your cheeks in stark contrast to the freezing air outside. Jon watches you quietly for a few moments. You can almost swear you can see tears in his eyes.
     "Sock, you're not..." He seems to be struggling just as much as you, his hand sliding to run softly through your hair. "You aren't... any of those things, the things Cass said about you. They're not true. You know that, right?" He can't bring himself to say the words, to solidify her ranting into something concrete, something substantial. You shrug before another sob slips out of your lips.
     "No no no, please don't." His breath hitches in his throat as he cradles you close again, pressing his lips into your hair. He rocks back and forth, ever so slightly, and your body is racked by your gasping cries. Eventually, he begins to dot pecks throughout your hair, and then he's cradling your face in his hands, peppering that in small kisses, too. He kisses away the tear tracks over your cheeks, down your reddened nose, across your damp eyelids, gentle, gentle, everything gentle as he brushes your hair out of your face with soft fingers and furrows his brows in an attempt to keep himself composed. The last thing he does is dot a small peck to your lips, before sighing shakily and looking down at you.
     "She doesn't know you. She doesn't know what you've been through, what you have to deal with. She's judgmental. Misinformed. She's making assumptions because she doesn't understand. Please-" His voice wavers, and he stops to clear his throat, looking away from you. His eyes are shining. Wet.
     "Please believe me. Please. I don't want you thinking that way. I don't want her hurting you. I don't want you... hurting yourself..." His voice is unsteady, so he stops talking, cradling your cheeks and tilting his face down to press his forehead to yours. "Okay?" You bite your lip and slowly, gently tilt your head up to nudge your nose against his.
     "Okay," you whisper, your voice soft and hoarse.
     A sigh leaves his lips and he stays there for a moment, brushing a thumb over your cheek softly, before straightening up. He pulls his sleeve over his hand and dries your cheeks off. You let him because you know it will make him feel better, gnawing quietly at your lower lip.
     "We'll stop at that place you like on the way home," he says, "that cafe. Get some hot chocolate. We can go home and lay down, watch some movies. Listen to music. Whatever you want to do." You have a feeling he's listing the plan to comfort himself as much as you, trying to find his footing again after such an emotional rollercoaster. You gently grab his wrist as his hand moves over your cheek, sliding your fingers in between his own and squeezing them quietly. He blows out a short breath before nodding, starting off in the direction of home.
     "Let's go."

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

     The room is dark and warm, and you can just barely make out the outline of Jon's face below you. Your laptop plays soft music from the floor, accompanying the boy's gentle motions as he traces light patterns and designs over your back, arms loosely around your waist. You slide up a bit from where you lay atop his stomach to nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck, inhaling slowly and shutting your eyes.
     "M'sorry..."
     "Huh?" His fingers continue their gentle dragging, moving over your lower back now. You lift your head a bit so your mouth is closer to his ear, lacing your fingers absently through his hair.
     "About today. I'm... really sorry." Your voice is hesitant and quiet, still feeling the guilt and pain churning in your gut.
     "Don't be."
     "But she was your friend..." His hand presses flat against the small of your back as he shakes his head.
     "Anyone who disrespects you like that is no friend of mine. I'd rather have you than any of them, any day."
     Your heart flutters as you move to press your lips softly to his temple, your hand resting on his cheek and the other on his shoulder.
     "Thank you for defending me."
     "Of course. Anytime." His hands return to their gentle designs, moving up between your shoulderblades. The movement is soothing and gentle, and you can feel the affection behind it. He cares so much. You don't know how you got so lucky.
     You'd never forgive yourself if you ever caused him harm.
     You just hope you never have to worry about that.

(note: wowow more sadness i just loVe breaking hearts :-) ive been a lil torn about how this story's gonna end. i have two potential paths in mind that both end the same way but i cant decide which one i like better. in any case, this story's probably coming to an end pretty soon. i think we'll have a few more chapters and then it's time to close the book on this one! thank you guys for being along for the ride :-))) as always, thank you so much for reading ❤️)