diary of a insecure fat girl (being edited & revamped)

chapter 17

naomi pov

its been a week since i left   ,and ive been feeling weird ,my emotions are everywhere, Wonder if hes happy im gone ,ive always wondered if i was ever good enough for him ,or myself ,  why does he love me , what is it i dont see in me he sees in me i dont get it ,i hate my self ,ughh why do i think like this ,im tired of these emotions , i wish i just emotionless ,maybe i wouldnt be going crazy .

" nana ,are you gonna get out the room today ,im finna go to the trap ,you wanna come " i  herd zoe say through the door .

" no i dont -"

" get yo ass up ,damn ima beat that pregnant ass ,you sitting in here under the covers eating you self away ,when that baby  come out ,you going with me and eve to work out " she said i couldnt  do nothing but laugh.

" zoe leave me alone i just wanna lay here ,i dont wanna se him ,he dont wanna see me  " i said whining which was a bad idea .she came in and closed the door so trina wouldnt hear us.

" hell no get yo ass up ,im tired of you ,always talking down on yo self ,yep i herd you in here talking to yo self the other night talking shit about you being no good ,chris was right ,shut the fuck up ,cry me a got damn river naomi , you have always been a pretty girl ,you always thought  you were insecure and your not ,you just heartbroken , cj aint doing nothing but being a good man ,trying to show yo ass what you worth and you cant look through yo damn eyes and see it ,he gone leave you if you keep fucking up ,and acting like a bitch ,cause thats the way you acting, im not being mean im just telling like a sister is suppose to ,im being one motherfucking hundred , now get yo ass up and come on " she said and sat there dumbfound ,  i dont know what to think ,i wanna cry ,curse the fuck out ,and then cry some more , i was just lost .i just shook my head and she walked out .

i took me a shower and put on some leggings and a tee shirt i took from cj and some grey breds.i walked to the living room and zoe was waiting on me ,she just looked at me and walked out side and we got in the truck and was off to the trap .when we got there  cj was sitting in the corner with shades on ,and smoking a blunt , i couldnt face him so when zoe sat her keys down i grabbed them and walked out as fast as this belly could take me , i got in her truck and went to cj place , i need to get away and find myself.

i got to cj house and go in and went t oour room , i got alot of workout and comfortable closes and shoes for me , i wrote cj a note .

dear cj,

i love you and i kniow you love me , but i dont understand why i am the way i am ,i dont know if its cause im not use to being loved this way , i dont know but im going to find out why bye leaving and finding my self ,dont come looking for me ,ill call zoe only one time to let you know im ok ,dont worry about the baby she/he is fine , i swear  i dont know why  im doing this but its for our own good chaz i promise, oh and if skylar asks about me tell her that im visiting grandma , i love you chaz .

love naomi.

i cried all over the paper and sat it on the living room table , i got my ticket for maui ,yep i still had my stuff reserved just in case .

i gtot out of here and left .

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cj pov

when zoe and nana walked in i was happy as hell to see nana ,she looked my way and her face changed she teared a little bit ,she grabbed zoes keys off the desk and took off out the door ,zoe looked at me and then i looked at her .