The Eleventh Ward

Chapter 12

It ended up with just me and Luke on the rooftop. Lacey and Calum had left after a few minutes, and then Gracie, Erin and Michael when dinner started. Hours had passed since I first walked up the fire escape and now it was starting to get dark and cold. Neither of us had talked yet, instead he had just kept his arms round me, slowly stroking my arms as the chill in the air grew. My eyes were starting to close and a darkness clouding my mind.

"Luke" My voice was weak and quiet.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry"

"Me too" Maybe if I'd been awake to hear those last words I would have asked what he meant. But I'd already fallen asleep against his chest.

The next few days at the eleventh ward were weird. I trusted that the others hadn't spread on the secret of why I was there, but still the group seemed to react to my confession differently. Everyone seemed to respect why I had kept it hidden from them for so long, except for Lacey and Michael. I would have thought Lacey would go straight back to who she was before this happened, but instead she still ignored me in the evening when we sat in a group in the lounge, and around meals. Michael never said anything to me, but still kept giving me small glances across the group. Whenever he would do these, they weren't quick glances, but he would actually stare at me for up to half a minute before I realised what he was doing, but he would always turn away quickly when out eyes locked. He made me feel uncomfortable, and I started to wonder if who he was around me had changed over the last few days.

3 days after the confession on the rooftop, I got a knock on my door late one night. I checked the time and saw it was about 1am. Slowly I got out of bed and opened my door to reveal Michael in an old t-shirt and pyjama bottoms. Without even asking to come in, he walked past me and stood next to my bed. I shut the door and turned to face him.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I hissed at him.

"Why didn't you tell me about Lea?" he asked through the darkness.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," he said, moving around my room, "I was always completely honest to you. I told you everything about me and even things about the others that I wasn't supposed to and you didn't even think to tell me that you'd killed your best friend? I mean for fuck sake Brandi I'm here being in rooms alone with you and getting closer and closer to you and I told you why I was here and everyone else told you why they're here and we just assumed you were just a little bit crazy, maybe suicidal or something because we get them sometimes here and they never cause any trouble but that's not why you're here," Michael was talking himself into a full blown panic attack. His hands were running through his hair every few seconds, he was pacing around the room, and worse of all he wasn't being very quiet anymore. His voice had raised to normal volume and if he carried on for much longer he was going to get caught. "I mean seriously Brandi, why didn't you tell me? After everything we went through, you know you could have told me. Do you know what its like to start falling for a girl only to find out that she's a possible murderer? Jesus I was falling in love with you and them this happened and even though I feel like you've just pulled the worst prank or something I still can't help feeling my heart beat every time I'm near you and its driving me crazy. Do you know what its like to realise you're in love with a psychopath? But its fine because you're also kind of a psychopath." He was standing still now, realising everything that had just come out of his mouth. His dark green eyes were staring at me through the darkness, his hands were shaking and sweat was shining on his forehead. His chest moved up and down as he breathed heavily, waiting for me to say something.

"You're in love with me?" I said quietly. He licked his lips slowly, never taking his eyes off me.

"Yes." His voice was so definite and sure, but I had no time to react before he took several long steps towards me and pushed me against the door, crushing his lips to mine. He pulled my hips closer to his and I lost my hands round the back of his neck and hair. He swiftly picked me up and dropped me on the bed, never breaking the kiss. His hand started going up my top and finally I let him pull it over my head. I had no bra on underneath, and after he'd taken the opportunity to take his shirt of too, he stared at me and whispered "you're so beautiful" before his lips found mine again.

It was 2am by the time Michael went back to his room and I was left alone again. We had lay together in bed, him playing with my fingers and lacing his own through them. I watched out fingertips slide past each other and whispered "I can't be your girlfriend". He was quiet for a few seconds before sighing "I know". But the sigh wasn't out of sadness or regret, but out of relief. Now I was being honest with him just like he had no choice but to be with me. I hadn't said what I said because I wanted to continue the promiscuous lifestyle I'd currently been holding in the ward. As much as Michael was kind and caring and admittedly hot, there was something else. Michael hadn't stayed with me on the rooftop, or slowly taken scissors away from my wrist. It was Luke. It was Luke's chest I had cried into, Luke's arms who made me feel safe and sane, Luke who always came after me and stayed with me and carried me down fire escapes. It was Luke who was making me feel something again. And because it was Luke, I didn't mind.