WHERE THE LOTUS GROWS

CAN YOU FEEL ME WHEN I THINK ABOUT YOU?

The phone was ringing. Karen willed herself off the bed after trying but failing to ignore the ringing, and picked the phone up grudgingly.

"Hello...mum?" She sat up on the bed and rubbed her eyes sleepily. A yawn escaped her as she made herself more comfortable. After her initial anger wore off, she slipped back into calling her adoptive parents mum and dad. It just felt right that way because they were the only parents she had ever known anyway and she had finally felt that it would just be wrong to keep holding a grudge especially when she put herself in their shoes. Her new Christian status was even helping her to want to communicate with them more though she wasn't too good with that just quite yet.

"Hi, Karen. Did I wake you?"

"Yes." She didn't try to hide the slight irritation in her voice. She had been enjoying her sleep after a long day at the hospital yesterday.

"Sorry dear. Your father and I miss you." Her mum said from the other end of the receiver. She always started their conversations with that now. How much they missed her.

"Yeah mum. I know that." She answered, knowing the direction this conversation was inevitably heading.

"Look honey, we know you must feel hurt that we didn't tell you all these years, but we thought it was for the best. At the time, we thought we would never give birth and I desperately wanted a child. The moment I set my eyes on you, I fell in love with you and so did your father. Don't you understand? You were God's gift to us and we can't bear to lose you now." Her mum pleaded.

"Does this always have to be about what you guys want, what you guys think, what you guys feel...blah-blah-blah. Don't you ever want to know about what I want, what I think and what I feel?" Karen said in exasperation.

"I'm sorry baby. It's just..." her voice trailed off.

"Look mum; I've heard you say this so many times these past three years that I can say it off hand. But there is something I want you to know."

"Okay baby. And what's that?"

"Two months ago, our medical team went to a little town on the outskirts of Cameroon to vaccinate the children against Hepatitis B and there was absolutely no network there. I gave my life to Christ in the little church there and it was so wonderful. I can't even begin to explain the feeling but I just want you to know that I hold no grudge against you guys. Not anymore." Karen poured her heart out.

"My dear God, thank you." Her mum sobbed into the receiver, shedding tears of joy that God had won the heart of her kind-hearted but strong-willed and stubborn daughter, even though they were not related by blood.

"Yes, I know you must be so glad to hear that and it's a fresh start for me. I want to make the best of it." She said resolutely.

"I know and I get it, I really do. But we all just want you to come home at least for a visit. No pressure, okay." She knew this was forbidden ground with her daughter and she treaded carefully.

"How come people always say 'no pressure' when they are putting pressure on you?" she said laughing softly, trying to lighten the somewhat tense mood of the conversation.

"You know what I mean Kay, so stop joking around." Her mother said trying to sound serious but Karen could imagine her face right then trying to hide her smile and failing terribly.

"Well. I'm thinking about it." Karen said hesitantly. Recently, she had been thinking a lot about going back to the States and it seemed like God was leading her in that direction to make things right before she thought of the future because though Jesus accepts us as his own the way we are and neglects our past sins when we repent, He still expects us to forsake and also make amends for our wrongdoings wherever we can. Also, Brian deserved that and more because she had never deserved his love but she had it anyway.