TWO
I was standing on the tub, the bed sheet sitting loose on my shoulders. I stood there for 39 minutes, thinking of scenarios about what could possibly happen if I did hang myself. I envisioned the nurse, Bonnie, walking in on me swinging. I imagined the boys gasping for breath as they sobbed in the waiting room.
The darkness of the casket was what scared me, how deep I would be under the ground. I would be forgotten and cold, six feet under dirt and worms. I tried to picture the future, what the band would have to go through. Death is no joke.
As I continued to stand on the edge of the bathtub, my mind wandered and I realized that my suicide would be selfish and unfair to those around me. No matter how many times I told myself that nobody cared about me, I knew that it wasn't true. I would be traumatizing the lives of others and I wouldn't have to be there to witness it; that is sinister.
After almost 40 minutes of contemplation and visualizing how the future could change, I slipped the sheet off and stepped down from the tub. I then untied the sheet from the shower curtain rod and wrapped it around my cold body, shuffling quietly back to the hospital bed.
Bonnie entered the room, a bowl of mac and cheese in her hand and chocolate milk in the other. "I know how much hospital food sucks, so I went to the break room and made you some Kraft instead."
I smiled wide, "Are they shaped?"
The nurse nodded, "Spongebob."
"Thank you so much, Bonnie."
Bonnie handed me the food and the left the room without another word. Her shoes squeaked against the polished floors, echoing in my ears.
- - -
i know this is short, but this is simply a chapter that answers the confusion many of you have. Scarlett just imagined the last chapter of 'Scarlett' but she didn't go through with the suicide. the next chapter goes back to present day, right as where the first chapter left off.
