captive.

oblivion.

"Just get over it. That's what I do, then BOOM! a new guy. Time is too limited to be worried about one guy when there are billions of them."

"It's easier for you. You know, you're like every guy's dream. Pretty, smart, skinny, and you have nice boobs."

"Nice to know that you look at my boobs and Kayce you're gorgeous!! And looks like I'm not the only one who thinks so..... Your left, my right. "

I looked over my shoulder and saw this milk chocolate, dreadheaded guy staring at me. Oh my gosh, God has blessed him in so many ways. He smiled at me, he has perfect teeth. I smirked at him and turned back to Cash, who looked like a five year old that just got ice cream.

"SEE!! Omg, you guys were totally eye fucking, I got horny just watching you guys," she says.

"Omg ew. You make me uncomfortable."

"Shut up, don't act like a prude. I don't even want to know what's going on in your mind right now, after seeing that angel."

That he was. An angel. But my fantasizing was rudely interrupted by the guy that scarred my life forever.

Ahmir walked in the lunch room with his new girlfriend, Katherine( aka Kat) , by his side. She's pretty, beautiful actually. He moved on, while I still sleep in his sweatshirts. It sucks. It really does.

Kat is everything that I'm not. No wonder he chose her over me. They got their lunch and sat at the table in front of us. Ahmir and I can see eachother eye to eye. I looked at him, but I looked away when the dreadhead guy tapped me on my shoulder.

"Hi," he says.
I laughed and said, "Hi, I'm Kayce."
"I'm Kareem."
"WELL HI TO YOU TOO," Cash says, omg I totally forgot she was there.
"Hi, uh Camilla right, we have Civics together."
"You can just call me Cash," her phone started ringing, "and speaking of calling, it's my Mom. I'll be right back."

She left out of the cafeteria and Kareem took her seat.
"So Kayce, I just want to say you are amazingly beautiful, with perfect light brown eyes."

"Ha ha, wow thank you. Since we're being straightforward. Your dreads are really hot, you have perfect teeth, and your skin tone is magical."

He just laughed and wrote his number down on a piece of paper, sliding it over to me.

"I'll be accepting any texts, calls, even Facetimes."

"You might just get one of those."

••••••••••

I've been thinking about calling Kareem, just to be distracted from my thoughts of Ahmir. I just couldn't bring myself to dial the number. I made it home at exactly 7:42 Cash wanted to go shopping and Dash wanted pizza so, I tagged along.

I walk into the house that I've been living in since I was born.

I went into my mom's room and she wasn't here of course. She's a workaholic, when she is at home all she does is look at old photo albums and cry. My dad passed when I was three, i barely knew him, but my mom misses him. My mom and I don't talk that much, when we try to talk to each other it just feels weird.

I go in my room and I looked at all of the pictures I had on my wall of Ahmir and me. I was happy. Like really happy, I never wanted those moments to end.

But, they did. I knew we were going to break it off one day. But not so soon. Since the beginning of our relationship, I had doubts, Dash said that was just my pessimism. But it wasn't. I knew all of this pain was going to be caused if i trusted him, I didn't care though. I had that unbearable feeling, that the couples had in the movies. But I lost it. I lost him.

Cash tries to comfort me and give me advice, but she's never felt this before. No one can comfort someone through anything, if they haven't experienced it themselves.
Its like how I felt with my mom, I tried to comfort her and help her move on and she always said it wasn't that easy. Now I know what she means.

I laid in my bed, captivated by my thoughts. I didn't cry or scream, I just thought.

I got up, took a shower, and made me a fruit salad. I went into the living room to watch reruns of Teen Wolf. I got a text from Cash asking did I want to stay over tomorrow, I just replied with a simple "yes." I needed to get out of the house.

Then, someone came to mind.

Kareem.

I brushed my natural, curly hair into a ponytail. There were a few loose strands that just decided they didn't want to go in a tight ponytail. I took the piece of paper he gave me out of my backpack and decided to text him.

Me: " hey Kareem, its Kayce, is this a good time to FaceTime?"
Literally 2 seconds later, he replied, " YES!"

I made sure I looked okay and then I called him.

He answered right away.

He smiled and said," Hi." His smile was beautiful. He had his dreads in a ponytail and he had on a white t shirt.
" Hi."
"You look beautiful."
I smiled, haven't been told that by any guy in a while.
"Thank you."

We've been talking for three hours. I haven't laughed or smiled like this in like forever.

"Are you tired? It's like past 10 o'clock." If only he knew...
"Nah, are you?"
"No, not really... so can I ask you a question?"
"You just did."
"You really don't like people getting to know you,do you?"
"It's not that I don't like it, I just would rather not talk about myself, ya know, I'm kinda boring."
"Kayce there is absolutely nothing boring about you."
"Geez, stop with the compliments, dude you're making me blush like crazy, even though you can't see bc I'm so dark." I almost cried remembering what Ahmir told me before he broke up with me. He said that I was ugly and I reminded him of a gorilla.
"Ohhhhhhhh, so that's why you don't like talking about yourself. You have low self esteem and someone broke your heart."

I looked at Kareem for 5 seconds and I felt a single tear escape from my left eye. My first instinct was to hang up the call. Which I did, then I cried for what felt like eternity. I went into my bathroom and did what I've been trying not to do for so long.

I cut myself. Not once or twice. But enough times to have blood cover my entire sink.