captive.

stereotypical.

I'm so judgmental.

I will stereotype a guy if he wears Jordans as the usual fuckboy.
I will stereotype a girl if she wears a Victoria's Secret PINK hoodie as the girl with no values.

No one should be judged by their appearance, but for a while people have judged me, why shouldn't I judge them?

I clearly look like the type of girl to be offended by everything a person says, but I'm not that person. Everyone is their own self. Yet, I judge and stereotype everyone because it's such a habit. I think that's how it works. You see a person, you try to figure them out but when you actually get to know them.... they're different. I get to see the best in people when I get to know them but unfortunately, not Kareem.

He told me something that kinda hurt my feelings. He's dating Aria. We do things that couples do but I guess he clearly only saw us as friends. Which is kinda ok because I just got out of a heartbreaking relationship. But I atleast thought he would've waited for me. I felt our connection but I guess I was wrong about that to. He would rather have the typical skinny, mixed girl with the curly hair. Instead of the curvy, dark-skin girl but ig he thinks I have too many issues. Issues like she's depressed because a guy played her, she's suicidal because she hates how she looks, she's in a generation that tends to think that brown or dark women are too problematic and not the trending thing right now, and simply because she's just not ... idk...  "right" for him.

I may be wrong for judging him on who he dates, rather than getting to know her. But I doubt I'll want to. It's so hard for a girl like me to find genuine love. I'm a dark girl who is also a BBW. I'm not as big as I used to be but I'm still in the "thick" category. Occasionally, I'll get the fat insults and the "you so dark you look purple" insults also. You know or sometimes I'll get the "you're so pretty for a darkskin girl" as if us dark girls aren't as beautiful as the non colored or lightly colored women.

Kareem chooses who he wants to date, I could care less. I shouldn't care and as his friend I'm still gonna be there for him. At this point of my life, I don't need a relationship I just need someone who can fulfill my needs when I want them to. A friend with benefits. I was hoping that could've been Kareem, but change of plans. On to the sexy ass guy I met on Instagram last week...

I hope he's not a catfish because we'll be meeting soon.