straight (calum hood au)

6. drug

i love writing this book, i hope you enjoy reading it. comment as much as you can because this was my favorite chapter so far and i want to see if it was yours too!

5. drug

Calum was feeling weird. He had no idea what was going on, he wasn't sad but he wasn't happy; just stuck in that dreadful in between.

Sunday's were the worst day of the week, his moms would be out having a nice day and he just stayed in or went for a run that would take his whole day. Today Calum didn't feel like running because he had this weird feeling in his chest that made him believe he could actually make it.

His mind kept going back to the afternoon he just held Zara in his arms, everything felt at peace. It hadn't been that long, just one day, but he missed her so fucking much. His heart felt like it was breaking a little bit more as he spent one second away from Zara but at the same time he felt okay because she also held him, she wanted it as well. It's a weird feeling and Calum hates it so much. Maybe it's love, isn't it what they say? Love feels like your heart is breaking but at the same time it's bursting with happiness? He had no fucking idea.

The quiet boy spent all day scribbling down on his old note book, the little phrase he had wrote the night he ran into Zara's brother actually led to a song, Calum had wrote a whole fucking song and he thought it was pretty amazing.

Usually Calum was more into writing stories so he could get away from the real horror his life was but this time he wrote a song called Invisible. That's how Calum spent is Sunday writing down, erasing it and writing down some more.

At least he wasn't planning his death that's a slight improvement, right?

-

Monday.

He fucking hated Mondays, how doesn't though? Everything is so depressing about Mondays, just the word itself made Calum cringe.

Then it started,

wake up

still into girls, still into Zara

cry

cry some more

wish to die

get up

survive just one more day.

Calum did what he always does, showered, got ready, dismissed breakfast and got into Ashton's car.

And, there it was, the usual "how are you" followed by the usual answer. The drive, the pat on the knee, everything was still the same. That day with Zara hadn't changed a thing, maybe for a while Calum was blinded by the fake sense of safeness that he forgot how fucking shitty his life was.

Everything was the same.

The day dragged on and on and on and Calum wanted to die but that was normal. He saw Zara once and she flashed him a beautiful smile that almost had Calum on his knees for her. He was wrapped around her finger and she didn't even know it.

At lunch he stole some chips from Michael and took a small but of an apple just to keep his body working. Calum had an eating disorder but he didn't know; he thought he ate properly. He didn't think he was fat either he just wasn't hungry, his own body didn't feel like living.

Afternoon classes were even worse than the morning ones, his mind was telling him to runaway, screaming actually. But his body didn't move, he just sat on the same damn chair for hours as he saw the teachers' mouth moving, he wasn't listening at all. Probably they tried to ask him questions or scold him for not paying attention but Calum didn't hear.