Endlessly

Complicated Feelings

The rain is letting up and Matt is calling a cab. I find myself glancing at him every couple of seconds. What is with you, Dom? He sits back down and I get lost in his eyes.

"You have to stop doing that man. It's getting a little bit weird," Matt says, an odd expression crossing his face.

"Sorry," I mumble. We sit there in silence until our ride shows up. We both get in the back of the cab and head on our way. I take my phone halfway out of my pocket. 4:47. "Shit!" I exclaim. "We've got a flight to catch!" Matt's eyes grow wide and his mouth opens slightly. He scrambles for his phone and quickly calls Chris.

"Are you still at the hotel?.......... We need you to grab our bags.......... Otherwise we'll miss the flight!.......... You are a god send!" Matt hangs up puts his head in his hands. "I'm so fucking stupid."

The moment we arrive we leap out of the car before it's even stopped moving. We're running through crowds of people yet I still fear that we are going to miss it. But we don't. The doors are just being closed the moment we arrive. We're let it and we quickly find our seats. Thank god. I find myself dosing off. It's going to be a long flight anyway.

    
I wake up and the first thing I do is check my phone. 8:51. I'm sure up early. I practically roll out of bed and go to the kitchen. I'm grabbing myself a cup of tea just as I receive a text. I see that it's from Matt and my heart skips a beat. The fuck? I read the message asking me if I wanted to hang out. I tell him that he can stop by my place around 9:30. I figure that's plenty of time to take a shower and tidy up a little bit.

I fall on my bed wearing only a towel and pick up my phone. 9:13. I lie on my back, staring at the ceiling...
"FUCK!" I shout and I burry my face in my hands. "No no no no no! Snap out of it!" I'm shaking my head so hard that it's giving me a headache. "Dom you need to pull yourself together," I say trying to calm myself down. I put on my boxers, some white skinnies, and my red leopard print shirt. I saunter into the bathroom and look myself dead in the eyes.

"Dominic James Howard," I say to myself sternly. "There is nothing that I can do to keep you from feeling this way, but if you're gay and in love with your best friend you ought to tell 'em! It doesn't have to be today... But the sooner the better." There's a loud knock on the door that makes me jump a small bit. Speak of the devil. I run my hands through my hair a few times and run to get the door. "Hey."

"You're sure up early," Matt chuckles. I smile and put a hand on the back of my neck. We go into my living room and just talk. A serious topic never really arises, but I'm fine with that. I casually check my phone. 11:21. I've got to tell him... But... What if it ruins our friendship? "Dom?" I perk up and look him in the eyes. "There's something you're not telling me. Don't bother telling me that you're alright. I know that's a lie. You're not okay." I look to the ground and say nothing. "Dominic. What's going on?"

"There's something I need to say, but I really don't think that you need to hear it," I mumble, my eyes still fixated on the floor. "It's kind of serious, but I just don't want to tell you."

"That's fine by me," he replies. "I'm willing to wait until you're ready. But I've got to get going. I have to pick up Bing soon. I'll see you soon Dom." He gets up and walks to the door. I get up and follow him over. Right before he walks out of the door, he quickly turns around and pulls me into his arms, catching me off guard. I stand there for a moment before wrapping my thin arms around him. I don't want this moment to end. He pulls away and walks out of the door. I take out my phone and call Chris.

"You need to come over." He arrives about fifteen minutes later and we go to sit down.

"What's up?" he asks with a concerned tone. I burry my face in my hands and he places an arm around my shoulder. "Take your time." I take a few moments to compose myself.

"I think I'm in love with Matt..." I mumble into my hands, barely audible. Chris slams his hand on the couch, causing me to jump slightly.

"I bloody knew it," he laughs. I look up at him and raise an eyebrow. "Dom, we've been friends for years. I know things about you that you don't even know about yourself." he says, his laugh now fading to a serious tone. "Does he know?" I shake my head. "You have to tell him eventually. I don't care how straight he is. He deserves to know."

"I was going to tell him," I whine. "But I just couldn't bring myself to do it." I burry my face in my hands again. "I'm an awful person."

"I'm sure you'll figure things out," he says, giving me a pat on the back. "But you really did call me at a bad time so I've got to get going. I'll talk to you soon." He leaves and I remain sitting. I've got to tell him soon... Or this is going to drive me insane...