OCD

Bad Day

Tap one time.
Tap again.
Two more times.
The weight in my chest subsides and I sigh, going about my business.
I slide in the car, gently closing the door.
The radio is on.
The volume is on 17.
I turn it up to 18.
I shake my head and turn it down to 15.
I unclench my jaw, not realizing it was clenched.
I drive out of my driveway.
I pull onto the highway, and an overwhelming urge to speed up comes over me.
I speed up.
I slow down.
I hesitate before speeding up again, this time for longer.
Then I slow down.
I do this two more times, breathing a sigh of relief when I see no one is around.
I bite my lip.
I feel some dead skin.
I immediately start chewing on my lip, trying to get the dead skin off.
Eventually I do, resulting in a bleeding lip and more skin off than I anticipated.
I tap my fingers on the wheel.
I then have to tap my fingers on my other hand.
I do this two more times.
I clench my hands around the wheel, realizing all that I've done so far.
I reach my destination and pull into a parking space.
I back up, pulling back in because I was not even.
I have to do this several times until I am perfectly in the spot.
The lot is empty, except for one lone car on the other end.
I count my car and the other car.
I see two posts and I count them.
I am up to four.
I need to find six more.
There are two birds sitting the ground, so I count them.
Six.
I need four more.
Two cars pass by, each going separate ways.
I count them.
Eight.
I need two more.
My mind starts to race as I look at my surroundings.
I can't find two more.
I clench my teeth, and close my eyes when I see two women walking down the street.
I shake my head and think "I don't need to. It's okay. I am okay. I will go in there without finishing this. It will be fine. I will be fine." I slowly open my eyes, hoping the women would be gone so as to make this easier on me.
They are still walking, slower now.
I tap my left foot, then tap my right.
I give in and count them.
I add up everything I've counted.
Ten.
Perfect.
I push the button on my key, locking my car.
I push it again.
And again.
And again.
Once more just to be sure.
Five times.
The second time I've done something in fives today.
It's not going to be a good day, I realize.
I walk into the office, signing in.
I go back over my name a few times, trying not to count.
A smile graces my face as I succeed.
A victory only I can rejoice about.
My name is called and I get up, going in the back.
I go into a room and sit down on the cleanest chair of the two I see.
I rest my hands in my lap, crossing my fingers and crossing my legs.
I sit up straight.
I am impatient.
She needs to come before I do something else.
The door opens back up and I relax a little.
She sits across from me, studying me before speaking up.
"You're late." She says, a knowing and concerned look on her face.
I nod, casting my eyes down.
"Well. Tell me everything." She says softly, leaning back.
I lean back as well, and start to relive my day.
Oh what a bad day.